Darkened Night Skies and Swishersweet Dreams...

5500+ Miles

2010-01-18T20:36:00.000-08:00

I took a really long road trip during Christmas break. 5800 miles, 23 states, lots of loved ones and one amazing romance. Courtney and I were humbled over and over by the generosity and love that was extended to us during our journey. It was a beautiful 23 days.

Wow, it has been a while.

2009-11-02T10:53:00.000-08:00

It has really been some time since I wrote last. Since writing last, I have finished my first graduate level class, begun programming an experiment which will be used to determine peoples' willingness to pay for the proposed Peripheral Canal in California and I have also been climbing quite a lot to stay sane. Life as a graduate student is interesting. I suppose it is a lot like Linfield life was. The academic requirements are no more stressful than they were at Linfield, but all the other things are constantly on your mind. What do I do for research? How can I be working on the Peripheral Canal project? Should I be playing right now or should I be in my textbooks. I need to meet with so, so and so about this, this and that. The days go by quickly, not because I stay consistently busy, but because I have to hop from thing to thing, and those mental transitions take time.

This post was inspired by Bryce's recent update he provided on his blog. It is not polished, particularly poignant, or even funny, but it does answer the nagging voice that sits deep in the recesses of my brain saying, "You really ought to blog soon..." It is a blog post, written to ease my mind. If it is boring for you I am not sorry because I did not write it to entertain you. Hopefully you will enjoy some of the photos I plan on posting if you don't like these words.

One thing that just popped into my head as I glanced out the large front window while sitting at the Bean Cycle, "How is the parking officer so large? All he does is walk around and look at license plates... you would thing he gets a good amount of exercise. His diet must be horrible." Similarly, I have thought a lot about how great it would be to retire as a mailman. You get to walk around, get exercise and build community with people. My friend Drew and I have talked about it at length. He just got his Masters in International Relations, and being a postman is still at the top of his career dreams. They always have such nice calves.

I have been reading a lot about small scale sustainable energy projects lately. There is an organization here in Fort Collins called Trees, Water and People. The things they are doing really excites me. I don't know what I want to do with this advanced degree I am getting, but if I can help pursuits such as theirs I will be happy. I want to contribute in any way possible, to increase the efficiency of their operations.

The Photos are from the couple's backpacking trip we went on earlier in the semester. We were in the Gore Range hiking from Vail to Copper mountain. Beautiful wilderness that is very accessible.

I have to go to class now.

Thanks for reading.

Change of Seasons

2009-08-22T11:42:00.000-07:00

It isn't quite the end of summer. The leaves are still a vibrant green and the air hasn't taken on a bitter sharpness that it usually does when fall hits. I can still ride my bike with my old man shorts on and throw the frisbee around with no shirt. Even the mountain air holds its warmth well into the evening. Summer is not definitely not over, but I am about to enter into a new and starkly different season of life come Monday morning. I start graduate school on Monday morning at Colorado State University. I will be working towards a Master's Degree in Natural Resource Economics and International Development in the department of Agriculture and Resource Economics. I have just gone through orientation and now it is really beginning to set in.

The last couple of days have been a treasure. My dear friends passed through Fort Collins on their way to their own new season, and another one of my friends came up to celebrate the change, as he is entering into something new as well. While sitting at dinner last night, drinking too many margaritas, I began to think of the collision that was taking place on the back patio. Six people, all taking steps towards something new. Most of us don't know exactly what that means, bit we are confident in the actions we are taking right now. New York, Boulder, Fort Collins and Minnesota are the next stepping stones for our communal journey. These places will be changed by our time spent in them, and hopefully we will be changed and matured as well.

For a brief moment our various walks took us to the same place. Telling stories of the past and celebrating the unknown futures ahead, we basked in our community. It was an encouraging evening. One that reminded me how intricately interwoven we actually are. Some of my brothers were not present, mainly because they are interacting with and changing somewhere else on this beautiful planet, and they were missed. But, their absence was encouraging as well. It was a testament to the values we instilled over many years. It was evidence that we are not made to idle. That we invest in one another so that we may go, change and be changed by the divine places and the divine people of this kingdom.

I have but a couple days before my time is consumed by studying and research. Things will be hard and time management will be crucial, but I am sure it will be doable. Fulfillment will come from the classroom again. Life will continue to move forward. As I said earlier, I am thrilled to be a part of this process, one season into the next. A progression of great people taking steps towards an unknown location. It kind of reminds me of "The Oregon Trail" computer game. We are kickin' it in sweet wagons, moving towards a luscious place that we have not seen before. Some of us hunt for buffalo, for the big kill, and others settle with a couple of ducks. Drew and Laurel will ford the river and Kyle will hire an Indian. Erik will probably try to build a raft. I just hope that little Timmy doesn't get Cholera.

Keep taking steps. Keep walking into new seasons. I hope that I may continue to be influenced by the summer sun and the crisp fall air. Peace and Love.

Consuming the Congo

2009-08-12T17:18:00.001-07:00

I have a friend in Central Oregon named Matt Smith who is doing some really amazing stuff for World Relief Next (an organization similar to World Vision). Right now he is on a media team that promotes the projects World Relief is participating in. They decided to submit a video to the Enough Project's cell phone promo video contest. The rules were pretty simple: create a one minute video explaining the war and corruption involved in the mining process for tungsten, tantalum and tin. Right now Matt's video is in the top three and was placed on the YouTube's voter page. If they win the contest their video will be played for the Hollywood Film Festival in front of thousands of very influential people. If you have a couple of minutes (literally) you should watch the three videos and votes which one is the best right here:

http://www.youtube.com/enoughproject

I am not going to tell you which one is Matt's, because I am pretty confidant that it is easily the best one. (Matt is a really talented spoken word writer...) Take a couple of minutes and vote... if anything you will learn something about your cell phone. Thanks guys.

Angkor What?!?!?

2009-07-06T08:39:00.001-07:00

Do I Even Try...

2009-06-01T21:47:00.000-07:00

How do I do this?

Both photography and writing fall disappointingly short at conveying the magnitude of emotions that even the simplest of experiences illicit. I sit here reflecting on the Killing Fields, staring at a dissipating lake, trying to peace together sentences and poignant fragments, to somehow capture the truth that can be, not learned, but felt while playing with a Cambodian orphan. I put pen to paper or fingertip to shutter, but am consistently disappointing by my results.

I believe that only the most artistic of souls can capture the sheer weight of our experiences. Can I begin to do it? Should I even try? My answer, to my own question, is a resounding "Yes." I will try to compose moving and meaningful images and I will attempt to paint literary portraits. Not to fulfill any goals or to meet any standard, but instead to explore what it is that I experienced. By writing I am reflecting, and by reading I am remembering. These two, or four, acts help me to build my own world, or my perspective of it, a little more thoroughly. It is only then that my heart and my soul fall in line with what I was trying to accomplish by traveling in the first place. To be changed.

So, as Ernesto "Che" Guavero writes in The Motorcycle Diaries, "The The person who writes these notes passed away the moment his feet hit Argentinian soil. The person who reorganizes and polishes them, me, is no longer, at least I am not the person I once was." The man who writes these words that you are reading right now is different than the man who experienced what they are a response to, and in much the same, but entirely different way, the person who re-reads them over again will be different than the one who first jotted them down.

It is my hope that this process continues as I move away from this crazy capitol city. I hope that the process not only continues, but in fact perpetuates further change as I go to Siem Reap, Ko Chang, Bangkok and back on home to America. I suppose in writing this a new discovery was made: The greatest hope of my life's journey is that relationships, cultures and experiences continue to perpetuate change, growth and a more active pursuit of love in the deepest recesses of my heart and soul.

Everything or Nothing

2009-05-27T21:55:00.000-07:00

What philosophy to you subscribe more to: ''Everything is Nothing'', ''Nothing is Everything'' or ''Everything is Everything?''

This is taken from a journal entry from a couple of days ago:

Drew leaves in two days. I am very sad that he won't be with us anymore. In a way it feels as though all of our trips are ending with his, but then I remember the beautiful things we have packed into any two week period prior to this one. Surely it will be different, but it will also be good. I look forward to see the way our group dynamic changes after this amazing brother's absence.

He makes all of us laugh a lot with his insistent rap lyrics and off-the-wall ghetto vocab. He is and will forever be one of my best friends. He has imparted in me new and rewarding types of confidence that I never thought possible. He has allowed me to take it easy. Most importantly however, he has helped me to see the world for what it is. Nothing more, and definitely nothing less.

I always struggle to convey how important and meaningful a person is to me, how much I value the time I spend with them, or how much I care about their role in this kingdom. But I can never convey all that I feel. Not an entirely unique struggle I would imagine, but what if we could fully love someone. Fully show them their worth. And, fully experience how much I am worth. As I dreamt about earlier on this trip, maybe that is a part of heaven, being able to love transparently and to be loved fully.

Drew has the unique ability to convey how much my friendship means to him. Conversations are not forced, or are they overwhelmingly frequent but they are powerful. The time we have spent speaking to one another about family, love, relationships and people have been incredibly valuable, and irreplaceable. This dream I have had about a more transparent and thorough love has come closer and closer to fruition because of my time spent with Drew.

I am so thankful that he came on this trip, that he has taken the time to be here with us. I have left many of our conversations with a more beautiful understanding of what this kingdom is really about. We all came on this trip to expand our world view and to see more of the world, but more so, he came on this trip to invest in me, Erik and Jordan. To try and love us more fully.

I look forward to our brotherhood. I look forward to exploring more of this beautiful world with you. Never stop seeing people and places for what they are. Everything is Everything.

Peaceful Pics

2009-05-25T09:33:00.001-07:00

Nothing Special

2009-05-24T05:16:00.000-07:00

Sitting on a beautiful deck feeling the damp Mekong air slide across my glistening skin as the afternoon rainstorm moves in. I just finished reading "The Beach" while sitting in front of the small row of bamboo bungalows that will be our home for the next couple of days. I don't know how to describe this place. It is kind of an average of many of the places we have been. Not too extravegant, relativelly peaceful, but not like Muang Ngoi. The water is nice, but it is murky. Strangely however, I enjoy not really loving any one part of this place. Maybe that is why yesterday's bike ride was so meangingful.

Located in the southern tip of Laos, the Island of Don Khong is part of an archipeligo in the Mekong River delta. Surrounded by slowly moving water, murky and brown like you would imnagine rivers in this area to be, the islands are a pleasant place to spend some time. The landscape on the island is not covered with picturesque monoliths or painted limestone cliffs. Instead, plot after plot of partially flooded rice fields, flat as the most miserable parts of Kansas, cover the entirety of the island. I suppose, upon reflection, what made our 35 kilometer ride so special was the lacsidascical nature of it all. We left with no agenda, pushed shuffle on the IPod, and began to leisurely cuise on our "beach cruiseresque" style bikes.

What will remain most salient, as the memories from this trip slowly fade, are the hundreds of children, some of them clothed and most of them naked, yelling "Sawbaidee" to us as we slowly moved into and out of their unfamiliar lives. I will rememer the way the sun reflected the brilliant, but opposing, images of starchy white clouds off well worked rice fields. I will remember how scared I was while running across that miserable beach, with the sounds of a concrete mixer distracting me from the pain coming from my burning feet. I will remember the way we would fall into and out of meditation as we slowly rode through, less than spectacular, scenery. The way conversation would drift away and the uncomfortable silence would transform into a Zen-like state of simple satisfaction. I will remember how fresh a crisp and slightly chilled orange soda tastes after being in direct sunlight for nearly five hours.

Hopefully, and more important than any of that, I will remember the love and sense of community I felt, not only with the dearest of friends pedaling beside me, but with the hundreds of people that provided the faces for an even larger and more beautiful kingdom. Thank you for blessing me with such a beautiful day. One that lacked drama, but was bursting with glory.

Deep Water Soloing on Poda Island

2009-05-01T19:59:00.000-07:00

Ton Sai and Railay Beach

2009-05-01T19:36:00.001-07:00

Ko Tao

2009-05-01T19:23:00.000-07:00

Singalila Ridge Trek

2009-05-01T05:07:00.000-07:00

Thousands of Words

2009-05-01T05:04:00.001-07:00

I know that these photographs are long overdue. Since meeting up with the boys in Bangkok, blogging has taken a back seat. Instead of taking the time to write out what I have been up to the past three weeks I am going to go back to the "a photo tells a thousand words" mentality and share some photographs from my recent adventures.

Bangkok or Bust... or Both

2009-04-14T07:19:00.000-07:00

After reading the title to this blog, which I quickly wrote without much forethought, I chuckled a little bit. Anyways, I am leaving this magically dichotomous country known as India and I am headed to Thailand, which is getting a little more coverage in the press than the one I am in currently. I am a little nervous, but I am also meeting four strapping young men in two days. Yes. It will be awesome. I have not seen Drew or Ryan since October. Seeing Jordan and Erik is going to be great too. I have been missing my friends and family the last couple of days, especially during my thirty-eight hour train ride to Delhi on Easter. I do have a post that I would like to write about my Easter, but that will have to wait. Also, when I have some time I will post some photos from my six day trek along the Indian/Nepal border. Beautiful. Right now however, it is time for an hour long Tuk-Tuk ride through the maddening streets of Delhi. I am stoked. I hope all is well in bloggerville. I will be back.

The Mother Ganga

2009-04-10T07:34:00.000-07:00

Mcleod Ganj Photos

2009-04-02T20:17:00.000-07:00

Rooftop Ruminations

2009-03-31T02:29:00.000-07:00

I have arrived in Varanasi. Insects instantly clung to the stank smell that only thirty-five hours of travel can produce. As soon as I emerged from the cobalt blue sleeper car I was barraged on a number of senses. While I was still orienting myself a small man in a tailored pink button up shirt directed me to the exit. I quickly discovered that his immediate willingness to lend a hand was because he drove a motor rickshaw... damn rickshaw drivers. As soon as I was able, I was being ushered through hundreds of strewn out bodies littering the train station courtyard, most of which were alive, towards a very typical and obnoxious Indian Tuk Tuk stand.

"Where you going?" He asks in a typical Hindi-English accent.

"Old Yogi Lodge, near Sarkakand Gali," I respond with an appropriate amount of solidarity in my voice.

And then with a little gas and a few tugs on the starter we were off. Once again navigating our way through throngs of honking and constipated Indian traffic. Varanasi, like every other Indian city has a very distinct smell. All cities activate the same part of you olfactory center, but each is slightly different than the last. I suppose if you average a few million people, their pheromones and body odor, waste products and nourishment materials with a sensible dash of pollution and a few thousand head of cattle this is what you get. Strangely however, I have come to enjoy it. The honking and insistent amount of noise pollution bother me more than the grungy air that makes your lungs seize in bewilderment. When the air is completely saturated with pollution every sunset has a fiery crimson glow to it that isn't possible without man's harmful brushstrokes on creation.

India, I love it and i hate it. I want to get as far away as possible, but can not wait to come back. Strange as it may be, I think this will be a place I grow quite fond of... once I am gone. I know that sounds bad, but I think that people's appreciation for this place is best realized their second, third or even fourth time they come back. But the fact that they come back speaks loudly. The overwhelming amount of movement and activity in this place produces its own gravity. And, people come back. Understandable I guess. There is no way to shape any of our western/American schemas to prepare for any part of India. It is entirely different. Beautifully different.

Voices and Candlelight

2009-03-29T03:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a very powerful day for me. I briefly wrote about it in my last post, but to follow up: there is a really large struggle going on in Tibet right now. The unfortunate thing is many people don't have any clue as to the size and measure of what has been going on for over fifty years. This last month, the Dali Lama spoke to the citizens of Tibet asking them not to outwardly celebrate New Years, because the Chinese government would take footage of Tibetans singing and dancing and use it as propaganda for their cause. Naturally, the Chinese government reacted by mandating the attendance of forced parades and celebrations so that the rest of the world will think that everything is okay. Well, I now know that it is not okay. Thousands of Tibetans die everyday, and even more are brutally beaten.

Standing in the temple courtyard last night, listening to a couple thousand people sing on behalf of their friends, family and countrymen was a very eye opening experience. I was listening to Tibet's voice. I was listening to the only cry and entire country has been able to mutter. Unlike Darfur, Uganda, Burma and nearly every other mass killing and ruthless attack, Tibetans do not have a spot on the world stage. There are very few campaigns advocating for a "Free Tibet." Sure we walk by the Free Tibet store when walking down Pearl Street, but what is happening deserves a response. During the vigil an English speaking Tibetan stood up and asked any of the foreigners to take their message of hope, perseverance and non-violence back to their countries as best they know how. He asked anyone to use their hobbies or their gifts to help support the largest non-violence campaign ever. At one point he said, "Non-violence did not die with Martin Luther King, it did not die with Gandhi and it was not taken to prison with Nelson Mandela... Non-violence is alive and an integral part of EVERY Tibetan's struggle for freedom and autonomy!" It is true, every single Tibetan I have met these past couple of days was so tranquil, so loving and so very humble. I have had many conversations that rocked me to the core, and in leaving Mcleod Ganj I can only hope that I too become more peaceful, more loving and more humble.

I suppose this post is an attempt to share Yeshi, Tenzin, Schuy and every other Tibetan's struggle. I know that this blog does not have a large audience, but maybe the truth about what is happening, to a very beautiful culture and people, will spread.

Faces of Tibet

2009-03-28T03:38:00.000-07:00

I have a lot going through my mind right now. I have been in a town called Mcleod Ganj for the last four days and I am loving it. Mcleod has become the home to the Tibetan Government as well as the Dali Lama. It is a very peaceful and tranquil place compared to other parts of India. Yesterday I hiked to a 8,600 foot ridge line that had spectacular views of a 16,000 foot Himalayan peak. The most profound moments however have been spent with a crew of Tibetan Monks who run the hostel I am staying at. Yeshi, Tenzin and I have spent the last three nights eating traditional Tibetan dinners together by candlelight. We have traded personal stories, explored the differences between Eastern and Western philosophies and shared our biggest struggles. It has been a treasure staying here with them. Each of them have shared their personal journeys through the Himalayans to seek refuge in India more than ten years ago. Stories of hope and of suffering have been shared.

At one point I asked Yeshi: "If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?"

After much thought and consideration he responded with hopeful excitement, "Tibet!"

I proceeded to ask him, "If you could go anywhere other than Tibet where would you go?"

He closed his eyes and with a gentle softness responded with, "Heaven."

Today I took part in a very emotional "Free Tibet" rally. Tears were pouring and chants were being shouted. The Tibetans, both young and old, walked for nearly 12 kilometers down a 4,000 ft mountain to the town of Dharamsala to share their message. It was a very moving demonstration. If I can find a decent Internet connection I will share some photos... otherwise it would take hours to upload. I am about to go to meet with my Monk friends one more time for dinner. Tomorrow I take a bus out of Mcleod Ganj to Pathankot where I board a train to Varanasi. As soon as I am able I will post again. Until then, Peace and Love.

So, there is this girl...

2009-01-11T19:20:00.001-08:00

I have had a number of requests to update the world as to my relationship status. Because I don't really know everyone who reads this, I am not going to go into much depth, but I can say that there is this girl who is incredible. I have known Courtney for quite some time now. We met for the first time at a church in Seattle the summer after my freshman year in college. We ended up spending a month together in British Columbia at a summer camp. Our lives were entirely different when we first met, and over the course of the last three years our paths have meandered their way into one another's. The last six months have been filled with a grace that I have never experienced. Our interactions are divine, and the phrase "beyond my wildest dreams" has become realized. Her creativity and confidence change hearts. Her sincerity and beauty reflect the love of our creator. And, her integrity and intentionality inspire me every single day. We have journeyed together in Colorado, California, Oregon, South Carolina and North Carolina. I look forward to breaking the mold, wandering together alongside the divine nobodies of this world in pursuit of truth, grace and love. She is planning on moving to Denver this summer to change the world, or at least this part of it. The prospect of living life by her side excites me to no end, companionship is great... Okay that is all you get (if you even wanted any in the first place.) If you want to know more I would probably be more than happy to tell you about grace. I hope that all of you are doing well. Peace and Love.

Update...

2009-01-02T11:49:00.000-08:00

I am in Charleston, South Carolina right now. It is a very beautiful place, accentuated by the one I am here with. I live in Winter Park, Colorado and work as a Photographer and server at a sushi restaurant. Life is good. I have started to work on a book, or a compilation of sorts. My time has been spent working on that project...

I have never been to the South before, and today was the first time I have ever been in the Atlantic ocean apparently. It was quite a refreshing experience, the water was pretty cold. I have met a lot of great people, and my time with Courtney has been incredibly special. I met her parents for the first time with a knife inserted into my skull. We went out to a nice restaurant with her entire family, and I proceeded to throw up three times in the bathroom. I was quiet, reserved and incredibly sensitive to her brother's cologne. I had a migraine. Awesome first impression I must say. The next day was much better, for everyone.

I am leaving for India in about three months. The butterflies are starting to come out of their cocoons in my stomach. For Christmas I received a Lonely Planet "India" guide... let the research begin. Right now, I am thinking about going to Delhi, Old Delhi, Agra, Varanasi, New Jalpaiguri and Darjeeling. If you are reading this and have any recommendations, please don't hesitate to comment on this entry and share. I think I will be working pretty hard for the next two months or so. It is kind of crunch time in the financial department.

I hope that all is well in bloggerville. More soon, I promise.

2008-11-19T21:55:00.001-08:00

One

There is a love that binds us.

A love that spans great distances,

experiential differences,

emotional disturbances.

Love.

There is a love that accepts us.

Fulfilling fruitfulness in rest,

waging warfare in romance,

hearts pining for the One.

Hope.

There is a love that speaks to us.

Sword of compassion in the right,

white horse patiently waiting,

battles ready to be fought.

Peace.

There is a love that builds us.

Kingdoms that move,

souls willing to fall inline,

dynamic landscapes made perfect.

Wonder.

There is a love that unites us.

Hearts worth fighting for,

pure and spotless intimacy,

side by side for the One.

Grace.

Colorful Colorado and Organic Oregon

2008-10-23T10:28:00.000-07:00

Here are some photographs from some recent adventures in Rocky Mountain National Park and Bend, Oregon. Cheers.

Here it is...

2008-09-16T09:37:00.000-07:00

I would like to apologize to those of you who frequent this blog. For a number of months you have stopped by only to discover, once again, that I did not write anything. I want to tell you that I have been writing. I have actually been writing more frequently than ever before. My recent ramblings however, have been increasingly more personal in nature, and to be honest I haven't really wanted to post them on the world wide web.

Recently, I have begun to dabble in poetry, and hopefully, one day soon I will share it with you. Until then however, it will live in the confines of my little black moleskin journal. If you have mastered the ways of deceit and thievery you may be able to sneak a peak... but an easier way to hear/read some of this would be to go on a walk or sit across a table from me with a caffeinated beverage in hand. If however you live far away and we cannot look each other eye to eye, then I must first say that I probably miss you. Secondly, I would say that emails work pretty well. And, thirdly I would request your address because handwritten letters have become my new favorite (like red snow cones).

So there it is. I hope that all of you are doing well. Oh yeah, don't forget to vote...

Peace and Love.

Some Pics for Your Pleasure

2008-08-24T15:14:00.000-07:00

I tried to sit down and write, but it just wasn't happening. So, here are some pictures, which supposedly tell a thousand words.

Amalgamation Station

2008-07-31T16:39:00.000-07:00

Amalgamate - (verb) to combine or unite to form one organization or structure.

What an appropriate word for what is going on right now. I feel like my life has so many parts that have been coming together and falling apart for the last twenty-two years. Friendships, relationships, family, houses, locations, jobs, activities and responsibilities. All have been coming and going for the entirety of my life. Sometimes I wonder if the adjectives 'predictable' or 'regular' will ever be used to describe my life. Sometimes I wish that my life would be more predictable or regular. Sometimes I wish I could understand what all of the components of my life will end up being. There are other times however, when I bask in spontaneity. There are times when the most beautiful parts of my life are the irregular and unpredictable occurrences. Right now is one of those times.

"Sure, I'll go to Alaska," I say.

"Of course I will ride bikes down to the lake and go cliff jumping at one in the morning."

"You're exposing all of the things I thought were secrets," someone says.

"I almost bought a plane ticket to Bangkok today... "

Life is unpredictable. It is messy, uncontrollable, counterproductive, and difficult. Life is an amalgamation of emotions, experiences, goodbyes and hellos, interactions, frustrations, and relationships. Life is indeed, beautifully composed.

Fish, Fish and More Fish

2008-07-19T10:41:00.000-07:00

I am currently in Bristol Bay, Alaska right now sitting in a random library that has incredibly slow internet. I think I am about to get kicked off so I will make this short. It has been an incredible experience being a commericial fisherman, it is an entirely different world up here. One that relies on tides rather than days, poundage rather than dollars, and four hours of broken sleep rather than eight. Our boat did very well this year, thanks to a great crew and an incredibly meticulous camp manager who happens to be Krystal's brother. I am bringing home more sockeye salmon that I could ever eat, and I hope to cook up some great family dinners. Right now, I am going to go to Fishtival, which marks the end of the commercial fishing season here in Naknek, Alaska. Maybe I will find myself at an incredibly salty local bar this evening, and if things get real crazy I may sing some kareoke at the local fishermans club... I will post more once I return to the lower forty-eight. I look forward to seeing everyone soon! Peace and love.

Where do I go from here?

2008-06-04T16:19:00.000-07:00

It is not a new struggle.

I have felt similar emotions before, and yet the sting that comes with not knowing is ever present.

I feel as though I have spent the last four years getting ready, but I have nothing.

Some relationships have brought me great joy, and some great pain. Saying goodbye to both is hard.

Once the car doors closes the reflections begin.

I do not know when I will return. I do know that the people who have made my life what it is will not be together ever again, save for heaven.

Tears well in my eyes and memories flood my mind.

Where I am going is less clear now than it has ever been. Who I will be with, what I will do, where I will be... all question marks.

Tears cascade down my cheeks and mental images flash.

The race feels long. Longer than ever before, and I just finished part of it. Who am I running with?

I am independent, qualified, prepared, but alone.

Politics Blog #2

2008-04-10T10:07:00.000-07:00

If you come to this website to find out how I feel about the upcoming election, or potential policies, than you have been disappointed time and time again. I don't typically write about politics or the thoughts and feelings that they inspire. Only one other time have I written about politics, and it was written with a much different mindset than I have now. After I wrote this I stumbled across a video put together by Lawrence Lessig, who is a Professor of law at Stanford Law School, and has been a long standing advocate for a less corrupted congress. It is really fascinating, you can find it here.

I have never taken part in politics, I do not agree with what politics do to people. In the past, politicians have tried to stratify the voting pool into those who will vote for them and those who will not. Historically, this may have been an effective way to campaign, but as the approval ratings continue to plummet and a recession looms ahead, a new kind of campaign is necessary. Barack Obama presents the American public with a new and refreshing campaign mentality, unity and hope.

I support Barack Obama’s policies, but the truth is that Obama and Clinton’s policies are not very different. They both want a form of universal healthcare, or healthcare for all, both of which emphasize preventative medicine, increased research and decreased transfer payments to keep costs low. They both have similar immigration policies, which may be described differently, but operate, on the same levels. And, their economic stimulus packages both put money into the hands of consumers, hoping to increase spending and consumption, rather than lowering price levels from the top down like McCain is planning on doing. The most striking difference between the two candidates however is character.

Many have written on the recent surge of Obama supporters, who have packed the gymnasiums, stadiums and meeting halls during his recent travels. They are described, as Obamaniacs and they are passionate and united in their drive. Sure, this may be an emotional reason to support a candidate, but emotions are the fuel for our behaviors. I believe that an economies emotional environment is one of the most important determinants of our economic standing. Our behaviors at work, with our families, in our homes, and with our health are all influenced by the emotional states we find ourselves in. If we are dissatisfied with what we are doing or how much we are being compensated to do it, we will be less productive. If one is stressed because they cannot pay their mortgage payments and risk losing their home, they are more likely to get sick, and their ability to produce and contribute to this economy diminishes. If we are unsatisfied with the whole, like most Americans have been for the past five years or so, than we will become individualistic and segmented. Segmented in our spending, expectations, investments, attitudes and opinions.

What sets Obama apart then is his ability to encourage, unite and lead. Many times during his career as senator he went against the norm, even when there was significant political pressure. Take the war on Iraq for example; he was the only presidential candidate in 2004 to publicly protest the war, saying “What I am opposed to is a dumb war. What I am opposed to is a rash war, a war based not on reason, but on passion. A war based not on principle, but on politics.” I believe that Obama has the potential to increase consumer and producer confidence, which could have a significant and positive influence on our economy.

I think that Obama, much like Reagen did, has the ability to put America on a fundamentally different path. A path that values passionate integrity, rather than politics, a path that encourages transparency, in prices, sources and quality, and a path that encourages honesty. The realignment of the American people is going to be absolutely necessary before any change can occur. As we have seen with the Bush presidency, we no longer need an accountant or CEO of the government. The presidency requires a leader, a leader who inspires and instills courage and commitment in the people. Change will require unity. Change, whether economic or ideological comes from a united people, and I believe that Obama has the strength and audacity to lead this change.

Holy Week 2008

2008-04-01T22:13:00.000-07:00

We drove straight down to San Diego, and it only took us 14 hours, which is six hours faster than the MapQuest estimation. Once we got to San Diego we went straight to the beach to take naps and hang out in the sun for the day. We ended up playing rugby on the beach with four french guys. That night we stayed with one of Drew's family friends in downtown San Diego. The next day we drove into Tijuana, Mexico and drove 160 kilometers south to Ensenada. After we ate some tacos and decided that Ensenada wasn't really what we were looking for we decided to drive across the Baja Penninsula. It took us about four hours and the drive was beautiful. The entire drive was spent on a curvy road winding it's way between boulder strewn hills. We got out and hiked quite a bit along the way.

Once we arrived in San Felipe we saw some Mormon missionaries walking down the road, so we deicided to ask them about the beaches and places to eat. They didn't really help us in that department, but as we were leaving they told us that they had four extra beds at their house and that we were more than welcome to crash there since all of the camping and hotels were full because of Holy Week (which we later found out to be the largest vacation week in Mexico, hence the thousands of people everywhere we went). We spent two days in San Felipe just hanging out on the beach and playing on the abandoned ships. The water was warm and it was about 85 degrees. On Monday morning we took off and headed north to the border, and we crossed back into the United States just north of Mexicali, Mexico. We decided to go to Joshua Tree National Park to climb, hike and potentially do some backpacking. We ended up getting to the park at 4:00 pm and it was stunning.

Joshua Tree has some of the most remarkable desert landscapes I have ever seen. All of the campgrounds were full so we decided to hike into a backcountry area to camp. At this point we had all decided that we were midway through thr best road trip any of us had ever been on. That night however, ended up being the worst night of my life. I was so sick with a terrible cold, I was coughing and congested all night, I was hallucinating for some reason and I had a mild case of vertigo combined with a migraine, vomiting and freezing cold temperatures. I thought that I was going to have to hike out and go to a hospital. Strangely, the next morning I felt great and we spent the whole day hiking and climbing on the huge rocks that identify Joshua Tree.

We ended up spending most of the day in Joshua Tree, and in the afternoon we drove to Redlands, California. We stayed with one of Drew's best friends who happens to go to University of Redlands. The next morning we went into Los Angeles and had Chipotle with a couple of friends from California. After eating we drove north to San Jose, where we stayed with a friend from linfield, whos father is a psychology professor at Stanford.

Thursday morning was spent playing pick up soccer and basketball games at the Stanford Campus. That afternoon we headed into San Francisco and saw all of the tourist sights. A bunch of people were in San Francisco for spring break, so we met up with them and spent the evening with them. Tom, amazing redheaded friend of mine from Longmont, goes to school south of San Francisco and he met us with us. It was really great to see him, and to check out his stomping grounds. The next morning (Friday) we woke up early and drove across the golden gate bridge, and drove all the way to Redwoods National Park, which is along the northern California coastline. It was so humbling to be driving and walking amongst those giant trees. They are truly massive.

The rest of the drive was spent on curvy roads, winding through Oregon's southwest mountain ranges. Sadly, after driving 2900 miles I got the first and only speeding ticket on the trip. I was in Oregon and there weren't any speed limit signs for over five miles, and I thought the speed limit was 65 miles per hour and I later found out from the ranger that the speed limit was 55 mph. Because I have a Colorado license they aren't able to take points away, so instead they stuck me with a hefty fine. As I said before, we got back to McMinnville last night around midnight. All of us were tired, sick and ready for our own beds, but the trip was truly incredible.

Going to Mexico... apparently.

2008-03-20T11:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening, around 6:00 pm I was sitting on a couch with two of my friends discussing spring break plans. We are all done with class today at 4:00, and we decided that we should figure out what we were doing for the next twelve days. The conversation went like this:

Chris: "Should we go north or south? Because, if we went north we could hang out in Canada, and I love Canadians. "

Drew: "We should go south."

Chris: "Okay, where?"

Drew "I dunno..."

Chris: "We could go to Yosemite and San Francisco. All I know is that I want to spend Easter on top of a sweet mountain."

Drew: "Can we go to a sweet black baptist church?"

Chris: "I don't think there will be a sweet black baptist church in Yosemite, I actually don't think there will be any church in Yosemite."

Drew: "Oh, yeah."

Ryan: (First time sharing any desire about our trip) "I don't want to go camping really, I actually don't want to go to San Francisco either, my family is from there and I have been there a lot of times."

Chris: "I have never been there, why don't you want to go?"

Ryan: "There are only three things

to do in San Francisco, Fisherman's Wharf, Alcatraz,

and the Golden Gate Bridge, beyond that it is just steep streets and weird people. I want to go to a beach and wear flip flops."

Chris: "I am not going to southern California."

Drew: " ... "

Ryan: " ... "

Chris: " We are gonna go to Ensenada, Mexico, and drink Pacificos and eat shrimp tacos while throwing the frisbee on the beach."

Drew: "Alright."

Ryan: "I don't even care where we go, just as long as the streets aren't steep."

So, here we are getting ready to drive a long way to some undisclosed beach in Mexico. I am excited, I love our neighbors down south. I just hope some of my spanish speaking skills come back on the drive down. We wanted to find a fourth person to go with us, and we happened to call a huge muscly Hawaiin guy named Keoni. He changed his work schedule around and decided to come too. Between drew and Keoni there will be at least 500 lbs of muscle sitting in my car, they are warriors. Drew's passport was in Seattle so his dad mailed it to his friend's house in San Diego, so hopefully that will be there too.

With all that said, adios amigos, have a great spring break.

The Team

Drew Ragan, aka DJ Daddy Fat Lats

Ryan Smith, aka Young Ryan

Keone Tawata

Chris "Naked Lady"

Happy Birthday Bryan!!!

2008-02-25T18:47:00.000-08:00

Today my roommate, Bryan Alford, is turning twenty-one. I am excited about this because there have been many times during the last semester that I wanted to do things requiring you to be twenty-one, and he couldn't participate. If you don't know Bryan than let me tell you he is a passionate, loving individual who seeks intimacy and depth.

Bryan, you have become an true brother. You have an incredible ability to be who you are, regardless of what people think, say or do. Your zeal for depth has carried you down many unique roads, and I am sure that your future will be no different. God does a seemingly strange job sometimes at introducing critical people into your life, and you have turned out to be just that, critical. You have taught me many things, most of which are yet to be realized. Our friendship has deepened over the past three years, but I can say over the past six months it has truly flourished. I have loved being your roommate. I am excited to grow along this journey of life with you as a friend. Thank you for everything. Happy birthday brother.

DSM-IV

2008-02-16T12:52:00.000-08:00

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) is the psychologist's bible. It is enduring its sixth revision and in its 886 pages are the diagnostic criteria, treatment options and insurance coverage requirements to over 295 mental disorders. It was first published in 1952, by the American Psychiatric Association, and was adopted from an earlier classification system developed by the Bureau of the Census. Its first edition had only 106 mental disorders and quickly grew to 182 disorders with the release of the DSM-II. Early texts reflected the predominant psychiatry. In other words, symptoms were not specified explicitly, but were referenced as mere reflections of broader underlying conflicts or abnormal reactions to life problems.

Since the introduction of the DSM-II, many contributions have been made by a variety of professionals. Of these contributions are 115 additional disorders, the removal of more than twenty disorders (homosexuality, menopausal stress disorder and neurosis to name a few) a multitude of categories were renamed (ex: Bi-Polar disorder changed to Manic-Depressant Disorder), diagnostic criteria were updated and included symptom profiles, social and relational factors were also considered within the diagnostic criteria. As of right now, the DSM is undergoing another revision, which is expected to be released in early 2012.

The DSM-IV is also used by more people than ever before. Historically, it was primarily used by mental health professionals to communicate a patient's diagnosis after an evaluation, but hospitals, clinics, insurance companies, counselors, and even school teachers have cracked it open to "gain a better understanding" of their patients, clients and students behaviors. As you may have guessed, this has wrought a slew of political, relational and economic controversy.

So why did I just give you a three paragraph history of something that you probably have never even heard of? Well, within the past week my eyes have been opened to the many criticisms concerning the use and misuse of this widely circulated book. One of my close friends has been sharing his struggles with the mental health industry on his blog, which has contributed to the awaking I have had during the last couple of weeks. If you are interested in a more personal account than check his blog out here. Also, there are many professional criticisms surrounding the DSM.

Many believe that the practical reliability of the DSM suffers because it is based on statistical criteria rather than sound, interaction based, accounts. Others still believe that the DSM unjustly categorizes disorders, and that it fails to provide a thorough representation of the available evidence concerning the various disorders. Recently, Keyes (2006) wrote about the DSM's failure to acknowledge the importance of mental health. He argues that physicians and psychotherapists have placed too much emphasis on the eradication of mental illness, rather than the improvement of mental health. He released a convincing study showing the parallel nature of the two, and later discussed whether or not the mental health community should pursue mental health or the "curing" of mental illnesses. Naturally, whichever option we pursue, there will be pros and cons.

Whether you support, disagree with, or have never had, or never will, have an opinion on this it is important to understand how our physicians decide whether or not we are crazy. Sadly I can't write any more about this right now. I am at Powell's Books in downtown Portland and the parking meter on my car ran out a while ago. Considering I have $40 dollars to my name right now, I am going to go so as not to get a ticket. I will write more later.

Fifteen Minutes...GO!!!

2008-02-12T22:12:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here and I couldn't narrow down all of the crazy thoughts going on inside my head, so I decided just to write for five minutes straight and see what comes of it.

A couple of days a go a great friend of mine left Portland to fly across the country to New York City. If any of you know Frank then you know that he is an incredibly passionate, eccentric, and unique individual. The best way to describe our seventeen day road trip through the west side of this beautiful country is...exceptional. Frank has never been to Colorado, Wyoming, Montana or Idaho, so we decided to drive from Longmont to Portland. On the way we stopped in Wyoming, Bozeman (for a week), Missoula, Cors de Lane, and the Dalles. It was a seventeen day trip, that was filled with great people, conversation, skiing, amazing food, wonderful weather, old friends, new friends, and a couple discoveries within those already existing friendships. When Frank flew out of Portland on Sunday night it felt as though I was coming down off a drug. The way he inspires and ignites a person into action is unlike anyone I have ever met. With all that said, Thank you for prioritizing our friendship. Thank you for coming here and for helping me reignite something within myself.

Last night as our local college ministry I was sitting there worshipping and could not stop thinking about what I would say if Jesus asked me what he asks his disciples, "what is it that you know about me?" I kept thinking about the implications of this question. Many would give Jesus the answer that they think he wants to hear. They would summarize the historical understanding of Jesus. Others would give Jesus an inflated understanding, exaggerating what they know and leaving out all the bits that they don't. I would imagine that I would try an impress his with what I have to say. I would tell paraphrase Brian McLaren's understanding, toss in a little of C.S. Lewis' and maybe sprinkle a bit of Rob Bell on top, but Jesus wants none of that. Jesus wants our experience, more specifically our relationship, to provide his truth. He wants us to have an active relationship filled with the confusion, doubts, struggles and joys that come with it. So, as I was sitting in church I was thinking about how I would answer this question. As I was thinking about this I went to the side of the room where the lord's supper was. I walked up grabbed a piece of bread and a small half ounce glass of grape juice. I slowly walked back to my place, while in deep worship, and thought even more how I would answer his question. While deep in thought, prayer and worship I took the bread to my mouth. Jesus seemed to have helped me out in answering his own questions. My eyes were closed, and I instantly saw the smiles, tears, hugs and laughter of hundreds of people that I care about. I couldn't get the faces of my best friends, family and serogant brothers out of my minds eye. Jesus has manifested his self, and more importantly his truth, in us.

I am starting school and am excited about what that means. In five months I will have two degrees. In five months I will no longer be financially dependent on my family. In five months I may be riding my bike across the west side of this country. In five months a new world will suddenly stand before me.

(Sorry for the poor grammar and sentence structure)

Juarez, Mexico

2008-01-24T16:28:00.000-08:00

There is something special that happens when you realize how large this world actually is. Spicy food, language barriers and surface level cultural differences are not what impact us at our core. A person’s heart can change when they are exposed to the needs of this world that have yet to be met. When we are exposed to tangible relationships, emotional hardships and a visible lack of justice a profound change can occur. Our hearts were changed. I suppose the purpose of this letter is to thank you for making it hard. Thank you for exposing us to the injustices of this world. Thank you for taking a part in the change that many of us experienced while being in Juarez.

The trip began on a cold morning in Longmont,

Colorado, with a group of twenty-one college students trying to figure out how to p

ack all of our tools, clothes, and sleeping bags into four vehicles. Ten hours of driving, and a stop at a Chinese buffet delivered us to El Paso, Texas, where we stayed the night in a church gymnasium. Naturally, a game, similar to American Gladiators’ Powerball, broke out in the gymnasium. After a considerable amount of socks, skin and sweat were sacrificed we called it a night. Confession: our first construction project was repairing the ceiling fan we accidentally broke.

The next morning we crossed into Mexico. El Paso and Juarez sit side by side, but the two cities are strikingly different. As we crossed the Rio Grande/Rio Bravo del Norte the landscape transformed from skyscrapers, advertisements, and consumption into factories, working-class barrios, and production. This was when many people began to realize how large the need actually is. We picked up our tools from the warehouse and set out to find the job sight, quite the struggle in a city that has grown much faster than its infrastructure. Have you ever tried to look for a vacant lot in a city with almost no street signs, few paved roads, and plenty of dirt fields? How, exactly, do you discover the location of a house that hasn’t been built yet? After an hour or so of driving we found the dirt rectangle that would very soon become a three room, insulated, set of classrooms.

We began our project by leveling the ground so that we could lay the concrete foundation. This alone took the whole first working day. Our first night in Mexico was New Years Eve and we really wanted to celebrate New Years like a Mexican would. Sadly, on the way to the central plaza, one of our four vehicles broke down. Needless to say, we celebrated New Years Eve being pulled behind a dodge truck by a towrope. It ended up being one of the most memorable New Years Eve celebrations in recent memory. By the time we arrived at the building site the next day the ground had settled a little and it was time to start building a house. Brandon, our Casas por Cristo staff member, fearless leader, and seasoned builder, delegated tasks and we set out to work. Framing, cutting, and foundation work were all completed simultaneously. By the time we broke for lunch, the concrete was curing, all of the necessary wood was cut, and most of the walls were framed. After a couple of sandwiches (and an unknown number of Mexican sodas) we returned to the work site. We began to set the walls, place the exterior insulation, and prepare for stucco. To our surprise, we had what looked to be a house after barely more than one full day of work.

We began our third day of work with an impromptu dance party. Nothing puts you to work on a cold winter morning like Brett’s techno workout mix. The third day was spent either on the roof, stretching chicken wire (for the stucco), or building one of the best retaining walls you will ever see. By sundown we had finished the roof, begun hanging dry wall, and had a solid start on our landscaping, the first landscaping a Casas por Cristo house had ever seen. That evening, Kyle prepared an amazing meal for all twenty-one of us to enjoy together in our church home. Our last day of building was a full one. We arrived at the work site, turned on some (more) sweet jazzercise music, and set out to finish the house. After a couple of hours, the stucco was complete, the drywall was nearly finished and we could

begin putting on the final touches. Most people were inside at this point, mudding the walls and painting, thankful to be out of the freezing January wind. By the time the sun had gone down, we were putting up the light fixtures, moving the custom built bookshelf, and really outdoing ourselves with the xeroscaped plants and monsoon resistant ground cover. After about three and a half days we had a hou

se. Sea foam green paint, bookshelves, landscaping, two ceramic space heaters and what will hopefully be a long lasting safe and warm place full of memories, learning, and joyfulness.

During the dedication service we discussed how a house, in and of itself, might not be a meaningful gift. What gives the house its significance, what brings out its potential, are the ways i

n which it is used. Conversely, we often take structure for granted, failing to acknowledge how crucial warmth, shelter and safety are for our relationships. The time spent with Carolina, and the rest of the family, was the actual reason we went down to Juarez. Although we may have forgotten it at times, we did not go to simply build a house. Instead, our purpose, both in going to Juarez and in being a Christian, is to contribute in building a kingdom. A kingdom where relationships are prized, love and mercy flow between us, where needs are met, and where injustices are realized and absolved. We built a beautiful house, but hopefully, with your help, we contributed in the building of what is going to be a beautiful kingdom.

What's the weather supposed to be like?

2008-01-20T16:38:00.000-08:00

What is the most pressing problem on earth?

Sometimes I feel like I can't even begin to think outside of my own experiences. When I try to answer this question I can't get any further than: What am I going to do after graduation? I need some money to get around, how can this happen? Or, will I ever receive the acceptance and love from the people that I want it from? A friend of mine recently described our lives using a storm/shelter metaphor. I could not escape this visual when trying to answer this question inspired by Brian McLaren.

There IS a storm raging. There are actually multiple storms going on in parallel. Injustices are everywhere, whether I realize them or not. It is hailing golf balls in Africa, a tornado is destroying lives in the Middle East, and hurricanes run rampant in the hearts of exploited workers in Mexico, China, Vietnam, and nearly every other labor intensive country on our planet. We don't even have to look beyond our own borders to see the injustices that take place. Cloudy skies can be seen hanging over New Orleans, most inner cities, and there are even storms going on in the lives of at least forty people here in Longmont.

But here I am, Chris Nicoletti, sitting in adequate shelter. I can hear the muffled patter of rain drops on the roof. Occasionally it gets a little chilly, so I take a couple of steps towards my consumeristic thermostat and turn up the temperature a little bit. It seems so hard for me to escape the brick and mortar which has been protecting me for the last twenty-one years.

I am jealous of people who continue to hurt, feel, and at the very least, are affected by the injustices going on in the world. I say that I am jealous, but I am also intrigued and intimidated by those who are aware of the weather. I have always been a person who accepts circumstance very quickly and effortlessly. What I mean is that I don't poke, prod and analyze. I simply accept it as reality and move on. What I am realizing however, is that by simply accepting the conditions which surround me I will never take a step outside to see what the weather is really doing. I am like the old man who sits in his living room, surrounded by panoramic windows, watching the weather channel. I am sitting on my butt surrounded by wealth, consumerism, subsidies and government policies. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for the shelter which has protected me, but it is important to get out of the house once in a while. If I continue to blindly accept, and essentially ignore, the conditions of this hurting world I will never feel the rain drops on my face. I will never feel the excitement that only the wind can bring. And, most importantly, I will never have an influence on my environment.

I hope that this blog and my journal are an effort to stop and analyze a little bit. I think conversations with my "skeptical" friends could rub off on me. My hope is that I can be braver than I currently am. Maybe then will I take a step outside and see what it really going on with the weather.

Here and There

2008-01-11T09:14:00.001-08:00

Just woke up, thinking about my Christmas break so far. Friends are beginning to leave already to go back to their respective institutions, new homes, and other lives. It is always strange coming home, trying to figure out the new, but very much the same, group dynamics. I have not even thought about blogging during the last three weeks. For some reason celebrating Christmas for three days, building a house in Mexico, and showing a friend from Oregon how awesome Colorado can be, has gotten in the way. I plan on slowing down a little bit. At least until Frank (a friend I met in New Zealand) flies here in a couple of weeks... and then it's on like Donkey Kong.

There will be more musings to follow, but first I need to take a "chill out session." If you have left, I will miss you. If you never came back, I miss you a lot. And if you are planning on leaving soon, can we please spend some time together before I begin missing you?

The Mission:

2007-12-19T10:18:00.000-08:00

To get home for Christmas with car, road bike and gear.

I just drove 17 hours from Bend, Oregon to Longmont, Colorado. I didn't stop for food. I stopped for gas three times, and I stopped to pee two times. I didn't get pulled over until I was in Fort Collins, and it was because my left tire crossed into the other lane, and the CSU policeman thought I was drunk. I wasn't, I was just weary. Along the way I listened to Paolo Nutini quite a bit, he is a new favorite. During the four hundred mile drive across Wyoming, I listened to the Colbie Caillet album three times, and yes, I was singing very loudly to every song. Another favorite was the New Zealand Mix, featuring great artists as: Fat Freddies Drop, Katchafire, Mason Jennings, Marc Brusard, David Crowder and Matt Kearney. In total it took 17 hours. I got home at 3 in the morning and now it is 11, and I want to play.

I had a significant amount of time to think about life, my purpose, plans and direction. I am not going to write them on here yet, part because I don't want to spend to much time on the computer right now, but also because I want to digest them a little bit. Also, I would rather have a face to face conversation with people about my recent musings. It was a good journey, one that I will have to make in a month again in a month and a half.

I am home. Give me a call.

2007-12-09T18:18:00.000-08:00

I bought a road bike a week ago. I drove up to Tacoma with my friend Jordan in my new car, and then bought a road bike and roof rack. I have been spending a lot of money lately, that isn't going to last much longer.

Today I took that bike on a great ride up into the hills near McMinnville. It was very cold, foggy and ominous, but it ended up being an amazing ride. Until the last couple of weeks I don't think I really appreciated where I am at in Oregon. I always thought of McMinnville as a nice base camp, not too spectacular in it's own right, but close to some beautiful areas. Now that I have been out and riding throughout Yamhill county I am beginning to appreciate its beauty more and more. Endless logging roads meander their way through dense evergreen forests, often stopping at a dead end, with nowhere to go but backwards, after twenty miles.

I have heard people describe Yamhill county and the Red Hills as an American Tuscany. Vineyards and great food tucked away in small cottage like establishments abound. Gently rolling hills continue west of this area until you reach the Oregon coast, which in itself is breathtaking. I would like to ride from here to the coast sometime soon, but I have to wait for the floods to go away.

The hills aren't fourteen thousand feet high, like the Rockies, which I am used too, but it is possible to seclude oneself in them. I experienced that today. The smell of dense mossy evergreen forests is new to me. We don't have moss in Colorado like we do here. The forests in Oregon are thick, green and seemingly impenetrable, unlike the brown dusty ponderosa pine forests that I grew up in. Sadly it took three and a half years for me to reach this realization, but I am glad that I reached it now.

I am excited for the endless opportunities I will have in the spring to explore this area and this state. But before then, I am going to be driving to Colorado, hopefully before the forty inches of new snow melts at Winter Park. I look forward to seeing the fourteen-thousand foot hills outside my window.

To my brothers,

2007-12-06T23:08:00.000-08:00

I know this is way after the fact, but I wanted to tell Erik and Kyle thank you for driving all the way to Oregon to spend thanksgiving week with me. I had an amazing time with both of you guys. It means a lot that you would sacrifice your time off of school, drive all the way here (Kyle 17 hours and Erik 14 hours), and give up being with your families to come and step into my life here in Oregon.

Kyle, you have and continue to be one of the most faithful people I know. You told me you were going to visit everyone while they are at school, I was one of the last that you hadn't seen yet, and you made it happen. I am glad that you didn't go insane during the 1200 mile trek alone. All of my friends here in Oregon have officially fallen in love with you, and they don't stop talking about your Mexican lasagna. It was great to have you around for a random week in November, when I otherwise wouldn't be able to have my cup-o-Kyle until Christmas time. Thank you my friend.

Erik, it always amazes me how much you love and care about this community of people that we are a part of. Your willingness to come out here to Oregon to be with your brothers continues to echo in my heart. When you are around I realize how much you have become a part of my identity, it may sound strange but it is true. It was really great to spend Thanksgiving with family this year. Over the past eight years you have become more and more like a brother to me, and eating Turkey, playing football, and hanging out over Thanksgiving break makes us one step closer. Thanks.

I look forward to seeing both of you, as well as everyone else, in a week and a half. I will be driving home to Colorado this time, in my new car. I have found a couple of people off of Craigslist who are going to ride with me, and hopefully pitch for some gas money. I can't wait to celebrate this holiday season with everyone...be ready it is going to be great.

Oh the beautiful t-shirt

2007-12-03T19:27:00.000-08:00

A group of us are heading to Juarez, Mexico this Christmas break to build a house (see post here). In order to do so we need to cover all the expenses of the trip and building costs—some $8,000—and we are working hard to get there. I’ve made 100 shirts to sell as part of the fund raising effort. They are incredibly comfortable American Apparel t’s printed with Brianne’s amazing design on them.

The shirts say ‘Dale le Mano,’ which translates to ‘lend a hand.’ Our goal really is summed up in that simple phrase. We want to lend a hand and make a difference for a family. The shirts come in the six color combinations seen above and sizes, S, M, L and XL, all men's sizes (but the ladies haven't been forgotten, I'm told men's small and medium American Apparel t's are perfect for you too). If you would like to help support our trip or buy some t-shirts please comment on my blog or write me an email at cnic17@comcast.net. They are $16 a piece, $6 of which go towards the cost of the shirt and $10 goes strait towards construction costs in Mexico. Also, if you are going on the trip and you want to help me sell some of these shirts, let me know and I can send them to you. Thank you for your prayers and support.

*I literally copy and pasted this from Erik's blog titled "Better Than Smoke Signals"

I just dropped my laptop

2007-12-02T11:25:00.000-08:00

So, I have been working pretty hard on a number of school assignments, which will contribute to my graduating on time. They were coming along very nicely, especially the 12 page paper on selective serotonin re uptake inhibitor use and akathasia, and the semester long statistical analysis project on the demand for renewable energy as a proportion of total energy expenditures by state. As most of you know the two weeks before finals are often times much worse than actual finals week. Most in part, because the type of projects I previously described are due, but also because you are ready to stop talking about the same stuff in the same classes and go home and have fun. That is where my head is at, and will probably be at for the next two weeks.

Especially now that I dropped my laptop.

It was pretty fast. Similar to a car accident, or getting shot in the arm. You know how it is, one second your having a conversation about camping and hot springs, and the next you are standing on the side of thee highway because you got rear ended. Similarly, one moment your holding your backpack with your laptop safe and secure, and the next it falls to ground.

Now it won't turn on. I can't get the twelve page paper on SSRIs and suicidality, or the Renewable energy research project. I feel like Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller in Zoolander. You mean the files are in the computer?

I have been frantically e-mailing my professors trying to buy myself time, but it is Sunday and apparently they aren't on campus seven days a week beckoning to every student's call. Bummer.

I did buy a road bike though, so that is cool. To bad there is a hurricane hitting Oregon right now.

Portland or Bust...

2007-11-20T09:42:00.000-08:00

I wanted to quickly explain why I haven't been blogging as of late. Two weeks ago I was completely in over my head in school work, last week I had two tests and two papers, and this week Kyle has driven eighteen hours to come and visit me for Thanksgiving week. Erik is leaving Bozeman, Montana in the midst of a blizzard to drive here today. Yes, they are amazing, I am incredibly thankful for these two guys who took it on themselves to get to Portland this Thanksgiving holiday. Just to let you know...by the time you both return to your respective institutions you will have driven for a combined total of 50 hours. Bad ass. For those of you who are not making the trek to Portland this week I miss you dearly and can't wait to see you when I get home for Christmas.

Have an amazing Thanksgiving with your loved ones.

The End of the Road

2007-11-01T23:04:00.000-07:00

Soccer is nearly over.

Today was the last soccer practice of my life.

Tomorrow is the last home soccer game I will play at the collegiate level.

Saturday is the last time my dad will watch me play a competitive soccer game.

It has been a sixteen year road, but I am approaching the end.

I have mixed feelings about it.

I will miss it.

A letter to nobody in particular...

2007-10-22T23:29:00.000-07:00

I am kind of struggling right now. I have been here before, different circumstances, but similar feeling of helplessness. A year and a half ago I was in a similar place. One night I sat down at my desk, and between tears wrote a letter to nobody in particular. I ended up sending it to a couple of people who eventually helped me and my frustrations. I don't really know why I feel compelled to put this on here, maybe it will wring true for someone...maybe it will help me to better understand the struggles I have been battling with lately. This was a letter of frustration to nobody in particular:

To whomever,

I am sitting at my computer right now and I am stressed out about WyldLife, I am stressed out about classes, I am stressed out about working at Lowe’s, I am stressed out about my dad coming, I am stressed out about this summer, and I am stressed out about Nikki and my relationship. I have no idea what my next move should be, it feels like I am wandering further and further into a dark labyrinth. I have no idea which way I should even point to run, or which task I should begin to work on. My grades aren’t doing very well, and the person who I talk to about things is hurting too badly to hear anything I have to say about my own worries and struggles.

My dad is coming out next weekend and I found out that he will only be here for 48 hours, which is substantially less than I had originally depended on. This is not to say that I am not excited about his arrival, but I am stressed about the fact that one of the two nights that I have to see him I will be working at Lowe’s. I will be pushing shopping carts and dealing with angry contractors rather than residing in the comfort that comes along with spending time with my father. The comfort that I crave so badly right now, the comfort of home, is thirteen hundred miles away. Home has been correlated with refuge and rest. When I go home I don’t have to worry about classes, I don’t have to worry about tests, work, girlfriends, failed friendships, housing, roommates, soccer, ministry, or anything that has previously brought me joy. I crave the comfort of my basement. I crave the tranquility that the sun brings as it dips below the Rockies. I desire to be secluded, in the middle of nowhere, miles away from any distraction. I crave alone time with just me and my creator, basking in his glory. Free from online quizzes, the sound of the Lowe’s security system going off, free from the heartache that comes with your girlfriend not wanting to be with you but rather be at home.

I feel like I have failed at more things than I can admit too. I failed my roommates, I was unable to reach the level of community and intimacy that I knew was attainable. Every time I get a test back I feel like I have failed myself, and the thousands of dollars my dad has spent on my education. I feel like there were so many potential friendships at the end of last year, and with graduation approaching many of them have ended in nothing. I was hit with the brutal realization that great fellowship takes work, prayer, and above all dedication. One must be dedicated to the point of humbleness, and I think I have failed at that as well. The feeling of failure has caused me to reach a level of numbness. I don’t find joy in loving somebody on my team, like I used to. I don’t find joy in really great worship, or fits of laughter, or a good movie on a Friday night. Joy has become a relative term; it doesn’t mean the same thing it did a year ago. Rather than joy being its own state of being, it has become the absence of another …hurting.

Never in my life have I seen or felt the pain that a person can bear. I have never embraced a person sobbing so hard that they must be carried away in an ambulance, because they just killed their best friend. I have never held the hand of somebody who has just lost one of the people that they love the most. Helplessness has become something that I can finally understand. I have been experiencing the feeling of helplessness that is found only in not being able to help the person that I care about the most. There is something that is unexplainable in loving somebody who is incapable of loving in return. I don’t even know what it is like to have a real sibling, so how am I capable of bringing any comfort to someone who has just lost one? It is simple…I cannot.

I have never experienced what it is like to be slowly or abruptly nudged from the comfortable household that I grew up in. To return home to find one’s bedroom filled with paperwork, to expect the perfect homecoming, but rather find a totaled car in the driveway and an empty house. My dad who I can safely say is someone who knows more about me than anyone else doesn’t have a clue as to my struggles anymore. The comfort in knowing that somebody else is aware of your struggles has become non-existent. In the same way, the comfort that once flowed through the book of Corinthians has simply become letters and words.

My faith has changed from an intricate relationship with the son of man, to a basis for my decision making. A relationship between me and Jesus no longer presides over everything else, but instead what the next crucial decision I have to make will result in. How can you say do not worry about tomorrow, when the things you decide today will directly change tomorrow. Do I end a potentially amazing relationship? Do I drop out of school and do nothing? Should I really tell my dad how I feel about his new lifestyle? Should I go home tomorrow? Do I really need to study for this next test? Every single thing has reproductions that I am not ready to experience. Physical repercussions, emotional repercussions, financial repercussions, and spiritual repercussions are all waiting right around the corner of every decision I make.

The point of this is not to scare whoever reads it, if anybody reads it, but rather for me to finally put into words some of the things that have impacted me the last couple of months. Somebody who I care about deeply just reminded me of the fact that it will be alright. Things will be better. Joy isn’t found in smiles and laughter, clichés and fun experiences. Joy is found in being able to say, while wandering through a maze of shit, that you trust in the one holding you safely in his hands.

Chris

Vulnerability can be incredibility difficult. Right now it seems difficult to be vulnerable with myself. The emotional tapestry that is Chris is hardly recognizable, which brings its own confusion. I hope that I can hold onto the last two sentences of that letter. I have hope.

Unbeknownst to you and me...

2007-10-21T22:55:00.000-07:00

I haven't listened to Jonah Werner in a while, but for some reason this poem came to mind so I had to go and find out what the exact lyrics were. I can still hear goofy Jonah singing his heart out in the remote British Columbia woods conveying the gospel of love and grace to high school kids. I miss Malibu...

Unbeknownst to you and me
Beyond the place of tyranny
There lies a love that holds us
In sure and constant watch
I pass the place of future crashing
And far beyond the tongues and lashing
There lies a blaze that's burning
Never to be drenched
When people live in love beyond themselves
Hearts betray this bitter world
There's bound to be a breaking
But I can't sweat for better yet
When all I have is manifest
In who I am, who I was, and what I'm not mistaking
But this is freedom, living and loving hard
When guarantees allude and char
And I can't rest on human souls
Cause they're unpractical and bruising
There has got to be more
There has got to be something deeper out there
And I hope that you look and you find
Because if people are being restored
Where vines and branches sever more
And never have I been so crazy
Kick the doors to free me
To say that I'm alive and I'm thriving still
I've lost my feet, but I won't lose my will
You can hurt but you cannot kill the raging fires
Of a man whose been caught by human lies time after time
Who's been soaked and choked and rung by compromise
Who was once dead, but is now alive.

Power of Compound Interest

2007-10-16T15:44:00.000-07:00

“The most powerful force in the universe is compound interest.”
~ Albert Einstein

I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop, sipping on my favorite Chai, and thinking about the last ten months of my life. Strange at it may be, I decided to write an e-mail to one of my dear friends that I met while in New Zealand. His name is Frank, and I have briefly blogged about him earlier this year, but for some reason I had a hankering to see how he was doing. I had some frustrations on my heart that I new he would be able to relate to, and I wanted to see how he was doing.

We ended up having a great conversation about current struggles, joys and experiences, but what was most meaningful was something that he said at the very end of the conversation. He told me that he has been thinking a lot about the aforementioned Einstein quote and its relational implications. Sure, compound interest is an incredible investment tool, capable of increasing ones wealth at a staggering rate, but what does this mean for my life as a whole?

Frank went on to explain how he has met a bunch of great people over the last couple of years in his worldwide travels, and keeping in touch with all of those people has been incredibly difficult, and at times overwhelming. As many of those who read this know, a large percentage of my closest friends are apart from one another most of the time. God has splattered us all over North America, tossing us into a variety of college, work, marital, and missionary environments. Keeping in touch over the past three years hasn't gotten easier either. Frank and I were discussing the frustrations that come with being apart from those you love and care about. There are so many times throughout the week when I want to call a close friend and see how they are doing, but I always talk myself out of it. I think to myself, "I don't have two hours to talk right now, I should probably wait until I do..." I succeed in rendering myself worthless.

Back to the quote, "The greatest force in the world is compound interest," I began to think about how I could apply this to my friendships. Basically I realized that two and half hour conversations aren't necessary to maintain, or even enhance, a relationship. All that I need to do is invest in that friendship. Simple, twenty minute conversations can yield incredible results. Trusting that God will use that precious time is a necessary component to any relationship, and I haven't been doing a very good job at that lately. I need to remember that God can and will use my meager efforts to do good.

To think that my efforts, are going to be used as a tool by my creator is pretty amazing. Even more, to think that my insufficient attempts will be made sufficient after God has his way with them is both encouraging and empowering. The same force that paints every sunset wants your and my friendship to be amazing. God wants us to experience the love and community he intended, and from my limited experience, he has helped us out when we fall short. That indeed is the greatest force I can think of.

Into the Wild

2007-10-06T23:08:00.000-07:00

My roommate Bryan and I went to Portland and saw Into the Wild Friday night. For some reason it is only playing at one theater in all of Oregon . Bryan and I both loved the book, so we had been waiting for this movie to come out to Oregon. Needless to say, we were willing to drive into P-town to check it out.

In case any of you haven't heard about this film, it was based on a book written by Jon Krakauer. Krakauer was a famous mountaineer who retired to writing for Outside Magazine. Into the Wild was published in 1996 and was extremely successful. The book tells the true story of Christopher McCandless, a young college graduate who gave up all worldly possessions to pursue something greater. After leaving his car in the desert, burning all the cash in his pocket and donating over $20,000 to charity he took to the road. For nearly two years McCandless travels all over North America. During this time he met and made impressions on many people, which are the primary focus of both the book and the movie. Eventually McCandless (Alexander Supertramp) made it to the Alaskan Wilderness, where he ended up dying alone. Krakauer draws many parallels between the human desire for adventure and Chris McCandless' wanderings.

I first read the book my sophomore year of college after it was recommended to me by a good friend. I couldn't put it down. The words resonated within me. McCandless' desire for adventure, and the unknown was very relatable. I ended up reading it twice in a row, and quickly thereafter decided that New Zealand was the place to go. I am not going to attribute to much of my decision of going to New Zealand to Into the Wild, but it did fan an already existing flame.

Sean Penn did an amazing job with the direction of this film, it had a very rough and independent feel to it, which beautifully conveyed the feeling I got from reading the book. Emile Hirsch looked very comfortable in his role as Chris McCandless. The movie ends with an actual photograph of Chris McCandless, and Emile Hirsch even looked strikingly similar. Surprisingly, Vince Vaughn played Wayne Westerberg, the eccentric combine owner who Chris lives with for a couple of months, without overdoing it. The wide angle shots continued to impress throughout the entire film. I don't know if it is possible for a book based movie to be better than the book, but if so than this may be one of the few instances. After leaving the theater all I could think about were my travels in New Zealand. I wanted to be back, with the people I love, wandering in a state of excitement and wonder.

I know that very few people actually read this blog, but my hopes in writing this review is to promote this great book and film. Sadly, the themes presented in this film will not be seen by as many people as they should. Hopefully, this beautiful rendition of an already fantastic book will be shown at theaters across the country. If you have a chance go and see it, you won't be dissapointed.

"The core of mans' spirit comes from new experiences."

~ Chris McCandless

"If you ain't got no money, take your BROKE ass home..."

2007-09-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

I broke my nose today, and it hurts pretty bad. My eyes are beginning to swell up and I can't breath that well. I got hit in the head with an elbow while trying to win a header. During my time laying on the bed putting ice on my face I have thought about a couple of things:

1) It is pretty impressive that I haven't actually broken my nose until now. Think about how many times in soccer you jump as high as you can and try to literally slam your head into the ball, right next to multiple other people, with elbows, and fists trying to do the very same thing.

2) After I broke it I went in to see the doctor in the training room and he actually put a pencil in my mouth, told me to take a breath, and proceeded to pop it back into place as best as he could...twice.

3) I had never ever had a bloody nose until today, no joke. Take that Collin.

4) I wonder how many X-rays a person has to get without that funny lead bib that they always give you before you actually get testicular cancer.

5) Hopefully I will be able to breath better through my nose, after it heals of course. I have always been a mouth breather, maybe this will change things, oh I can only hope.

6) Part of me hopes I get addicted to wearing the nose guard, that way I can have a trade mark...just like Richard Hamilton.

Welp, that's all I got for right now. I will probably post some pictures of my face once all the blood pools in my eye sockets, and it looks as grotesque and possible. I love you all. Keep it real.

Moral Sentiments...

2007-09-14T00:04:00.000-07:00

I have been reading a lot of Adam Smith lately. Some, if not most probably don't know who he is, so I will tell you. Adam Smith is regarded as the grandfather of modern economics. He published two main works; the first titled The Theory of Moral Sentiments, which discusses the moral forces that restrain selfishness and bind people together in a workable society. The second, is titled Wealth of Nations, which assumed the existence of a just society and showed how the individual is guided by economic forces. I didn't think I would get much out of a classical economist's writing, but good ol' Adam Smith has proved me wrong. I may post a couple of random quotes from Adam Smith from time to time, and I just wanted to make sure everyone was on the same page. So here you go:

"The disposition to admire, and almost to worship, the rich and the powerful, and to despise, or, at least, to neglect, persons of poor and mean condition, though necessary both to establish and to maintain distinction of ranks and the order of society, is, at the same time, the great and most universal cause of the corruption of our moral sentiments..."

~ Adam Smith
Theory of Moral Sentiments

Confidence. Trust. Community.

2007-09-07T18:15:00.001-07:00

I told all of my fellow defenders that I loved them and that I wouldn't want to play defense alongside anybody else. The way the opposing forwards responded was hilarious. First, because they probably thought we were joking around, but continued to make fun of us by calling us gay. Second, because they realized that what we had just told one another was for the most part true. And that seriously decreased their chances for having any chance to score a goal.

Initially we didn't play very well today, I think it was because none of us were very confident. After half time we had our bonding moment on the field, that I mentioned above, and we began to play with a lot more confidence. It is amazing to see how your own level of play is changed when you know that there are ten other guys on the field who have got your back. About twenty minutes into the second half "Little Guy, Travis Isaacs" scored a great goal, and that was it. To the spectators the game probably wasn't that great, but for the four dumb defenders in the back (including myself in that statement) it was a very valuable learning experience. It has been a great season so far, and we are only three games into it. I am excited to see how we perform, but even more excited to see what comes of this year relationally...because so far it has been very rewarding.

As of right now we are 3-0. We just beat the Pomona-Pitzer Gamehens, which I think is one of the worst (but impressively) original mascots I have ever heard of, just behind the UC-Santa Cruz Banana Slugs of course. Aaron, you are one of the most insightful people I have ever met, but I have to say that the majority of the guys on the Pomona team did a very poor job at displaying the intelligence that most have paid a lot of money to acquire. We play again on Sunday, until then we are going to spend a lot of time in our hotel in Tacoma.

I suppose the lesson of the day is that confidence, trust, and community is a pretty powerful combination. With that said, I love you guys, and I got your back.

Flip Flop...

2007-09-04T15:36:00.001-07:00

Soccer practice in fifty-four minutes.

We had an amazing weekend on the pitch. We beat a top ten ranked team at home under the lights Friday night. I had never played soccer in front of that many people before, some said that there was over five hundred Linfield fans there. All I know is that my throat went hoarse trying to yell over the awesome chants, and heckling fans.

Time management has become necessary again, for the first time in nearly ten months.

My classes are crazy this semester. I am taking two senior seminar classes, one mathematics based Economics class, and Drugs and Behavior, which is a pharmacology class involving rats...mine happens to be names Archimedes.

I want to keep blogging a priority, but it will be difficult.

I miss a lot of people, and look forward to sporadic conversations over the phone. It will be exciting to see the ways that all of us respond to graduating, moving away from home, marriage, new jobs, etc. We will always be experiencing change in our lives, but it seems like the next twelve months may yield the highest levels of combined change yet.

I have loved spending time in fellowship with the guys from my team, they are all awesome.

I have been reflecting on the summer a lot lately and it scares me to think that it may have been the last "Colorado Summer." I don't know if I will be here in Oregon after I graduate, but I know that I won't be living in my house, with my parents, in Longmont, during the the summer ever again.

Soccer practice in thirty-two minutes, I have to go.

The beginning of the last round

2007-08-25T12:37:00.001-07:00

Here I am, sitting at my desk slouching out of tiredness, trying to convey what I am feeling. In about four hours I will be done with daily doubles, for what most likely will be the rest of my life. This year's preseason has proven to be tougher than those in the past, and having a new coach has forced everyone into a new gear. We have been running longer, faster and for more consecutive days than I would ever voluntarily do again.

Preseason is one thing that has always brought a sick feeling to my stomach. It doesn't matter how much or how little I train before hand, I always dread the day preseason starts. I know that it is going to be two weeks of hell. I know that I will have to run the timed two-mile, sub sixties, and manchesters before playing soccer for two hours. In the same way, I know that I will stumble while getting into bed, and struggle to eat anything solid, simply because I am so exhausted. My body has been on the brink of breaking down for a couple of days, but after this afternoon it will have a full 24 hours of rest.

I have always had "next season" to look forward to. If we failed to win the conference championship, then we always had next year. Or, if I failed to build a relationship with someone on the team I always was able to validate it by thinking about next season. Well, the bittersweet reality has begun to set in. There won't be anymore collegiate soccer for me next year. I won't have another season once the final whistle blows to accomplish what I intended. This is the last go at it, the last first game of the season is a week away, and the last daily double practice is coming soon as well.

The truth is, there will be a lot of "last time I (fill in the blank)" for many who read this blog. For some it may be the last time we get to watch funny freshman wander around campus, or for others it may be the last time we take a ridiculously hard class for our major, and others still may be rejoicing in the fact that this could be the last time all of their friends leave the state for college. Either way, I am excited for our last round. I am ready to work my tail off this season. I am stoked to build some solid life long relationships with the guys on my team, and I am ready to learn a lot about econometrics.

Whenever I see something coming to an end, I begin to appreciate it much more. These last couple of days have been met with some sadness over the fact that I won't have another week of daily doubles to complain about, or for that matter dread. I have reflected on the time that I have spent with many of the guys on the team, and to be honest, I wouldn't pick anyone other than the guys I have been blessed with to sweat, bleed and complain about being sore alongside. The guys who I have run next to, recieved passes from, and dogpiled onto for the past three years are the reason I come back. They have and will continue to be the fire that keeps me going day in and day out. I am sad that we are beginning the last leg of our journey together, but at the same I am excited because that is just what it is...the beginning.

Alright, that is all I can muster right now, an ice pack and my bed are both calling. Oh yeah, I have a mohawk too. I figured I should probably make a few memories and start my senior year with a three inch long hawk. I wish you all the best as you begin your last rounds. I hope to hear from many of you very soon.

Geography of Wonder

2007-07-21T23:23:00.001-07:00

It is late, and I have to wake up early tomorrow. I am going on a backpacking trip with my dad for a couple of days. We decided to go to Red Deer lake, which is seven miles outside of Camp Dick. I am excited to be back out in the woods, to see the sunset from a high peak, and to stumble over a camp stove while trying to make pasta. Life has and will continue to become more and more complex. With every new day comes more and more things that I must consider: should I be training for soccer? Do I want to do an internship during spring semester? I am poor and need some money to live. What am I going to so with my life post-graduation?

Being in the wilderness allows us to breath. It allows us to simply be. Wilderness doesn't have to be the Rocky Mountains or the Southern Alps, it is different for everyone. Some people find the peace that I receive from the mountains, in yoga, others in running, or maybe the local coffee shop. Either way, I am craving it right now. All I have to worry about is surviving. I need to eat, I need to sleep, I need shelter, and sometime I need to sleep. That is all. Somewhere between the trail head and the given destination, life is boiled down to its simplest form. My father would say, some mental real estate temporarily opens up. I can wonder. I can more easily reflect on what my creator has done for me. For some reason, my heart enters a state of worship and awe that isn't attainable in a sanctuary or meeting hall.

I am a little disappointed that we are only going to be able to be out there for a couple of days, but that it the way life is. I am thankful that I have this opportunity to spend time with my dad like this. We haven't been alone on a backpacking trip for a while, so I am anxious to see how it turns out.

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."
- Henry David Thoreau

2007-07-10T11:04:00.000-07:00

Since being back in Colorado I haven't really thought about New Zealand as much as I would have liked. I have spent a significant amount of time sitting and reflecting, but I never seem to think about my coming home from a distant country, that I lived in for five months. Many people have asked me what I learned, how I have changed, or what I will do with my experiences. And, every time I respond with some sort of constructed answer, mainly so that the conversation will continue, hopefully shedding actual light on my experiences. The truth of the matter is that I have no idea what I learned, I am not sure how I have changed, and my future is just as unknown as before I left.

I began to re-read parts of my journal that I kept while in New Zealand, and I stumbled across a section that I wrote just before coming home. Erik and I were great friends prior to going, but spending nearly every minute of five months together proved to be both testing and incredibly rewarding. For all intensive purposes Erik and I were married, aside from the whole romantic, intimate, sex stuff. We shared our money, a car, the apartment, and nearly all decisions...basically everything. With that in mind:

"I am sitting in the Brasilia Coffee shop, for what could be the last time. Everyone flew in yesterday. Today they all went to hike up Avalanche peak and I opted to stay here for a much needed 'chill out day.' I have begun to read Jill Fredston's 'Rowing to Latitude.' It is about a husband and wife's kayak journey through the Arctic circle. She constantly uses rowing metaphors to explain aspects of her life and experiences.

She mentions that whenever she goes on a trip with her husband she has to take on 'expedition behavior.' Jill describes expedition behavior as: 'It involves a conscious commitment to get along despite physical exigencies and personal idiosyncrasies. How much you disagree with a person at times becomes irrelevant. It is your responsibility to be amicable and to work to diminish your own offensive habits, even if you are convinced you don't have any.'

It is interesting to read this and try to think about all that I have learned since arriving here. For the first time in my life I have experienced what it is like to be around somebody the vast majority of the time, and how to behave to preserve both experiences and friendships. Erik and I have spent more time together than ever before, and maybe ever again. This testing and exciting stage in our friendship is coming to a close. Many have thought, including myself at times, that there would be arguments, resentments, and turmoil. But, there hasn't. I appreciate Erik for asking me straight out if I am being bothered by him, and I appreciate his willingness to diminish his own offensive habits for the sake of our expedition. There have been times when an argument was likely, but it never happened.

Right now I am sitting in Christchurch while Erik is taking his family and friends out on an incredible adventure. This time to reflect on his and my friendship was unanticipated, but like any other this "chill out session," as it has become known, has proved very rewarding. It has been incredible to have such a great friend and brother to go on this journey with. The lessons that we have both learned these past five months are sure to be priceless. We have both matured in ways that are to complex to understand right now, but are sure to be valuable well into the future. Thanks for blessing us with the grace to forgive, and the drive to understand one another. "

Thank you Erik for overlooking my inadequacies. Thanks for saying what was on your mind when I wasn't willing to share what was on mine. Thanks for making it a point to excuse my idiosyncrasies and selfishness. Thank you Erik for what was and will continue to be a great expedition.

Home again home again jiggity jig...

2007-06-26T21:58:00.000-07:00

I arrived back in colorful Colorado exactly a week ago today, and there has been a whirlwind of events since my arrival. Two of my dear friends, Bryce and Kate, got married last Saturday and they are now on their honeymoon in Mexico. Erik and I were members of the wedding party among other great friends of mine. During the three days leading up to the wedding we had some awesome time with Bryce and the fellas.

I realized that the love and affection Bryce has for Kate, and vice versus, is just another beautiful testament to God's glory. In the same way I stare in awe at sunsets or huge mountains, I found myself staring in amazement at the way God has created these two people to perfectly accentuate the other. It was incredible to reflect on the years I have known Bryce, and see how beautifully Kate has impacted his life. Basically, this past week I found myself in a state wonder. Wondering how, and why, we are all so blessed.

I don't have to pay to put pictures on the Internet anymore so I am posting a few pictures from the last couple of weeks I was in New Zealand. The majority of them are from the West Matukituki Valley near Mount Aspiring. I have not had the time to digest my experiences coming home, as a matter of fact I haven't even unpacked all my bags, but as soon as I have more thoughts I will be sure to post.

I'm coming home...

2007-06-18T15:55:00.000-07:00

I am in the Auckland airport right now, after leaving Christchurch at 7:00 this morning. Yesterday I took two finals, packed my flat up, and had to say goodbye to the people I have come to love very dearly. To be honest, I don't really know what I am feeling right now. I am not going to try and figure out what I am feeling, first because I am to tired, and second because it would be artificial.

I know that I am currently leaving one of the many stepping stones that will eventually lead to something. I think I have always known that studying abroad was just one of those steps towards an unknown destination, and because of that I am not to disappointed that it is over. Sure I will miss this beautiful country, but God' s glory isn't restricted to one island in the South Pacific. I m excited to see who is waiting for me on the next stepping stone, what experiences I will have, what I will learn, and how the past experiences will affect my future.

That is all I am going to say right now...I am really tired, and I am awful at sleeping in any place other than a bed. I hope to better understand what is going on in my head and heart soon, and when I figure it out I will probably let you know.

See you all very very soon.

Reality is becoming real...

2007-06-11T16:16:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in an Internet cafe in Queenstown, while Erik, Keith, Tom, Ryan, Taylor and aunt Lynn are doing crazy adrenaline things. I just realized that this is going to be the last night that I spend in this funny city. It is very possible that I never see Shotover street again, or that I never sleep a night in an alpine hut in the Southern Alps.

The reality is that I leave in eight days. This stage of my life is over, and that I may never see Mt. Cook in person again. I could tell myself that I will be back, and ignore the realities that lay before me. I may not come back to New Zealand. I do plan on traveling again, I do plan on living in another country again, and I do plan on taking the new found passion for traveling to many places. But, there are so many places I have learned about while being here that I would love to go to.

I have found myself saying goodbye to many of the places that I have grown accustomed to the past five months. Walking down from the Mueller hut I was quietly saying goodbye to the Mount Cook Range, while reminiscing on the experiences I have had in their Shadow. In the same way I have been wandering around Queenstown, looking at the crazy tourists trying to do as many things that are possible during their four day stay in the "adventure sports capitol of the world," and thinking about the first time we experienced the bustling city on the shores of Lake Waikatipu.

Saying goodbye, and facing the realities that come with it are both terrifying and exciting. I am very sad that this time in my life is nearly over, but I am excited to see how my life is affected because of my time in New Zealand. New experiences await me, and that brings me great joy.

I will see many of you who read this blog very soon.

Pol-i-tiks

2007-05-28T05:09:00.000-07:00

Politics are something that I know very little about. If you have ever been bored enough to look through the archive on my blog you will not have found a single piece of writing on politics. There are a number of people who have blogs that write about current policies nearly every day, and I felt as though I should, at least once, write about it too. I am not fluent in political terminology, and to be honest I hate discussing politics. It doesn’t matter if they are the loud mouthed opinionated girl in my philosophy class or if they are my closest friends, I simply don’t enjoy it. You may have already written me off as ignorant, or foolish, but in reality my experiences have yielded certain results, which in essence make my opinion just as valid or credible as any other one out there, because after all an opinion is just that…an opinion.

From my observational experience political discussion very rarely ends positively. The first type of conversation I have seen, and become part of more than once in my life, involves two different or opposing viewpoints. I once had a professor describe the continuum that exists between a dialogue and a debate. He emphasized that people should strive to keep interactions closer to the dialogue or discussion side of the continuum, rather than the debate side. I think many times when two people, who have opposing or different viewpoints, discuss something as emotional as politics they tend to divide themselves from one another, and with this division come debate. Once the discussion turns to a debate, both parties are simply arguing for their case, and consideration and absorption aren’t achieved. Two people, myself included, may end up arguing for hours, never coming to any sort of resolution. The second type of conversation that I have taken part in, and witnessed, is between two people who share a common belief. I typically end up saying things that I know the other person will agree with, simply so that some sort of emotional cohesion is formed. Basically, reinforcement of in-group and out-group norms, beliefs and stereotypes are the only outcome that I have ever witnessed. All in all, my experiences with political conversations haven’t been very positive, or worthwhile.

This is what I know about politics: George Bush is a republican. He has made some poor decisions, as well as some good ones. Bill Clinton was a democrat, and he too made some good and some bad decisions. I am aware that a lot of terrible things have occurred in the world within the past five years. Many of these things were out of our control, but some of them were not. I know that over twenty two percent of young people get their political opinions from some sort of political comedian. Satire has been one of the great resources of the human intellect, but when satire becomes the dominant or only mode of communication for an entire generation, then the result can be a destruction of our capacity or willingness for serious thought. I know that some people value fair trade, while others think free trade is the best policy. Some may argue that border patrol is wrong and hurtful, while other people would say illegal immigration has cost tax payers more than anything else in the past twenty years. Basically what I have concluded is that two sides exist for every single idea, issue, policy, and decision. Even when describing a form of government there are two different types either left or right and authoritarian or libertarian. Some may view one thing as good, where others may view it as bad, and there are always going to be people who benefit and people who lose out. There exists the problem; people think their truths are more “truthful” than the next guys’ truths.

I suppose the biggest thing I struggle with regarding politics is that in all the manipulation, and swaying to bring another to our “side” we are becoming even more close minded, judgmental, and most devastatingly, inactive. Politics, in some form or another, will exist forever, but the opportunity for me to do something positive for the world that I live in, right now, won’t last very long. I think that for our generation to have any impact on the world we live in we need to stop discussing and start working. I need to accept that two sides exist for everything…except love. Our desire to both love one another, and be loved, is felt and believed by every single person. I want to initiate change with my hands and my heart, not with my opinionated jargon, and hopefully in the process we may become much more united than we have ever been.

"Politics is the science of good sense, applied to public affairs, and, as those are forever changing, what is wisdom today would be folly and perhaps, ruin tomorrow. Politics is not a science so properly as a business. It cannot have fixed principles, from which a wise man would never swerve, unless the inconstancy of men's view of interest and the capriciousness of the tempers could be fixed." [Fisher Ames (1758–1808)]

Firelit Climbing Session...

2007-05-15T18:24:00.000-07:00

This past weekend my eccentric friend Frank and I went to Dunedin and did some climbing, at Long Beach. I knew Frank through another one of my friends from Linfield, prior to coming here. Before I ever communicated with him I knew quite a lot about his character, passions, and overall personality, but until this weekend I just knew about him, rather than actually knowing him. Over the course of the weekend we had some incredible conversations about life, goals, and relationships. One of the most incredible things about Frank is how much he loves people. He values random encounters, deep long lasting friendships, and romantic relationships more than anything else in this world. Every adventure he ever goes on involves meeting people, getting to know them, and ultimately forming some sort of relationship with them. Frank never passes up a hitchhiker, and upon entry he always offers food, water, and great conversation. After being with Frank for four days I realized how much I could learn from him. I realized that every single person can drastically influence my life, no matter how long they are in it. I suppose this blog is a "thank you" of sorts. I am not sure if he will read it, but Thanks anyway. You are truly unique, and I am excited to see the way our experience together this past weekend changes the person you are today and into the future.

Here is a sweet picture he took from the first day we were there.

As soon as I get more pictures I will be posting them on here.

I

2007-05-08T02:21:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here listening to Tristan Prettyman's newest album titled Twentythree. It is very good, but it is making me miss home quite a lot.

I found a pretty gross picture of me from the Dusky track trip. I currently have a smile on my face after seeing it, so I am going to put it on here so maybe you will have a smile on your face as well.

I was sick all last weekend with an awful 102 degree fever. It made my entire body hurt all over, to the point where I couldn't get out of bed. I would get so cold I had to put on long underwear, down jacket, wool socks and a beanie so that I could climb into my down sleeping bag underneath my heavy comforter, only to have to take everything off and lay down on the floor in my boxers cause I was sweating profusely.

I just finished Leif Enger's Peace Like a River last night at three in the morning. I had tears persistently rolling down my cheeks for at least twenty pages of the book. If you have read it then you know the power that "I've been there and am going back. Make of it what you will." can have.

I am currently working on an academic paper about social perception. Essentially the paper is analyzing why one individual who is mocked his entire life turns that social experience into motivation for greatness, whereas another uses the same social stimuli to fuel a brutal killing spree.

I am eagerly anticipating Brianne's arrival. It will be absolutely wonderful to have her here. I have realized that I know a lot about Brianne, but I don't know Brianne as well as I would like to. I hope that her time here is a relaxing break, and that her and Erik's relationship grows because of their time spent together in another country.

I am blogging about whatever is coming to mind. Mainly to serve as a mental break/cool down from writing my paper, but also to feed my blogging desire. Make of it what you will.

Silence and Solitude

2007-04-30T17:11:00.000-07:00

Recently I had the opportunity to go out and spend four days and three nights in the Hopkins Valley, alone. I had never done a solo, I don't consider myself a very contemplative person, and I am also an extrovert, so the thought of spending four days alone in the silent wilderness was very discomforting.

I would like to explain all of the details, but I will save them for a good face to face conversation over some tea or coffee, but all in all it was one of the most spectacular experiences I have had thus far. Initially I was very uncomfortable. I had never placed myself in such a vulnerable and revealing situation with myself and God. Like anything else, it took some getting used to. By the end of the second day I had reached a new and powerful comfortableness being alone with my creator. Until that point, sitting in the shadow of the Dasler Pinnacles, I had never been very comfortable simply "being" with God.

Time and time again, people have had massive, life changing, revelations during times of solitude. I can't say that my life took a massive turn once I got out of the bush, but I did learn a couple of amazing things. The first being, that to silence one's heart, mind and body before God takes a lot more work than I had previously thought. It was difficult and uncomfortable to reveal my heart, on such a one to one basis, with God. I wasn't scared to be alone so much as I was scared to be alone sitting face to face with my creator. God will always use silence, solitude and vulnerability to teach his disciples a thing or two.

The second thing that I learned was that the same force which is capable of splitting continents and creating mountains out of sheer granite, loves me, right now, with that same intensity and desire. The same God who made the Southern Alps, Rocky Mountains, and the Oregon Coast loves you and me with the same unwavering power. The implications of this are inconceivable. God's ability to use you and me to enact social change, and love people is huge. We are loved with a force powerful enough to create massive glaciated peaks, so why don't I act like it?

The third revelation was that I am always investing in God. I am always trying to win God's favor, which doesn't seem like a bad thing, but I don't think it is how we are supposed to live. This is from my journal that evening:

Something just dawned on me, thanks to the Ragamuffin Gospel. I am always trying to invest in God's favor. It seems like every choice I make can be boiled down to whether or not it will look good to God and his people or not. I am constantly trying to improve my eternal portfolio, Newsweek article here, serve some of my friends there. And, it is all done with the intention of building a resume. I think that this has major implication in my interactions with people as well. If they are "believers" than I quickly size them up. I compare their portfolio to mine. If theirs is less "impressive" than mine I feel as though I can help and be some sort of guidance. If my portfolio is less "impressive" than mine I look at them as a mentor, or somebody above me. If the person isn't a 'Christian' than I take a "sell but not to obvious" type of attitude. Hinting to them that they could start their own portfolios today if they wanted.

The problem with this is that it removes trust from my faith. Do I trust God enough to let him love me despite my flaws and weak resume. Nothing I can do will win any more, or any less, favor in God's eyes, so why do I always feel like everyone of my actions has consequences, be it good or bad, in the eyes of God?

Honesty simply asks if we are open, willing, and able enough to acknowledge this truth. Honesty brings an end to pretense through candid acknowledgement of our fragile humanity. It is always unpleasant, and usually painful, and that is why I am not very good at it. By rejecting my ragamuffin identity I am turning away from God, the community, and myself. I become a man obsessed with illusion and identity, a man of false power and fearful weakness, unable t think, act and love.

I suppose honesty before God takes the most fundamental risk of faith we can take. The risk that God is good, that God does love us unconditionally. It is in taking this risk that we rediscover our identity. To bring the truth of ourselves, just as we are, to God, just as he is, is the most dignified thing we can do in this life.

I would recommend to anyone that they should take at least some time to silence their hearts. It doesn't matter what you believe in, who, or what. Regardless, the time will not be in vein. I don't plan on isolating myself from society, but I do hope that I can take time out of my regular life, every once in a while, and listen to my creator. See what he has to say, about me and about the world I live in.

Dad's trip to New Zealand

2007-04-28T20:06:00.000-07:00

The first week of Easter Break was speant zooming all over the South Island with my dad. He was here for ten days, and these are some pictures from his time here:

On top of the Routeburn Track
Hero Shot of Erik and the Franz Joseph Glacier
Outside of a great hostel in Greymouth
My dad "having a Bungy"

"I can't remember..."

2007-04-28T06:28:00.000-07:00

After reading Bryce’s most recent blog I was reminded about this beautiful story which illustrates the gospel of grace perfectly:

Several years ago in a large city in the far west, rumors spread that a certain women was having visions of Jesus. The reports reached the archbishop, and he decided to check it out.
“Is it true ma’am that you have visions of Jesus?” asked the cleric.
“Yes,” the woman replied simply.
“Well the next time you have a vision, I want you to ask Jesus to tell you the sins that I confessed in my last confession.”
The woman was stunned. “Did I hear you right, bishop?” You actually want me to ask Jesus to tell me of all you sins?
“Exactly. Please call me if anything happens.”
Ten days later the women notified the bishop of a recent apparition. “Please come,” she said.
Within the hour the bishop arrived. He trusted eye to eye contact. “You just told me on the telephone that you actually had a vision of Jesus. Did you do what I asked?”
“Yes, bishop, I asked Jesus to tell me the sins that you last confessed.”
His Eyes narrowed in anticipation.
“What did Jesus say?”
She took his hand and gazed deep into his eyes. “Bishop,” she said, “these are his exact words… ‘I CAN’T REMEMBER.’”

Christianity happens when men and women accept with unwavering trust that their sins have not only been forgiven but forgotten, washed away in the blood of the Lamb. And this my friends is true freedom.

We went on a very nice walk...

2007-04-22T18:31:00.000-07:00

If you have already read Erik's blog then you know that he and I just finished a seven day backpacking trip in some of New Zealand's most rugged country. If you haven't read his blog it can be found here. More roots than I could have ever imagined, hip deep mud, and thousands of vertical meters covered have made my knees and ankles sore. I think the boys are going to go and do another trip tomorrow, but I think I am going to go on a solo trip somewhere else.

I have never been alone in the back country, and one of my goals coming here was to do a solo trip. It is strange how contemplation and reflection don't always occur when they are most convenient. I have grown and learned so much from relationships, community and conversation, but the bible says that God also speaks to us in silence. I hope that I can find a place that is vast, beautiful, and silent.

With that said I won't have another blog for a couple of days. We are entering the last week of our three week long Easter break, and when it is over there will be many pictures, stories and ideas to follow. I miss you all very badly, and I can't wait to hear about your many adventures and experiences.

I hope...

2007-04-01T23:21:00.000-07:00

I have had a number of friendships that have "fallen through." I have had a number of friendships that I gave up on, or stopped working at, simply because we had different moral standings. Many times I have disengaged myself with people simply because I thought that spending time with the person wouldn't be beneficial to my own faith. Today, I think I finally realized how ridiculous this all is, it took me 21 years to see how selfish a mindset like this can be. Intimate relationships are the most beautiful and heavenly things that we may experience in our lifetimes. We are capable, by the works of the Holy Spirit, to shed light on profound life altering truths for one another. The people who I engage in fellowship with have, time and time again, conveyed messages of love and grace to me, which I may have otherwise missed out on. I hope that I would be used to convey messages of hope, love and grace to people everyday. I hope that we, as a body of believers, strive to bring heaven to earth. I hope that we would be a group of people who value friendships, not just shallow friendships, but relationships that flow with conversation and messages of grace and love. I hope that we would be driven by a burning passion, and that individual passions would create purpose. I hope that our selfish desires don't wiggle their way into our already heavenly friendships. I pray that we would be a group of people who prioritize servant hood, both in a social context and within our community. Basically, I hope that by the time I reach heaven I will have had a taste of what it is going to be like, because I believe that it is possible, I believe I have already had a spoonful...and it tastes really good.

My dad arrives here in New Zealand tomorrow morning. I hope that the time we share here on the other side of the world would strengthen our relationship. Here's a picture of my dad and I snowshoeing in Colorado:

We've got ourselves a first timer here...

2007-03-29T02:38:00.000-07:00

I have never been mountaineering before. I suppose it is the epitome of outdoor activities. I think Erik, Brian, Graham, Jacques and I are going to give it a whirl this weekend. We get to use ice axes and crampons, and we are going to be roped together. I hope it goes well.

Here are some pictures of where we are going, I got them from a random website:

See More Butts...

2007-03-27T17:27:00.000-07:00

Seeing as how birthday blogging is the new black, I am going to jump on this glory train and dedicate this blog to my dear friend Collin. I don't know if you are going to read this on your birthday, especially since it is late into the day and you shouldn't be online anymore, at least I hope not.

Collin you have the rare ability to dig deep into a person's heart. Many times while dangerously riding around in the Pathfinder, you have pryed into my heart, and every time I discover something new about myself. Your ability to passionately discuss your struggles with those closest to you is inspiring. I love how transparent you are, and I hope, one day, I can be as revealing and intimate with you as you are with me. Thanks for all that you have taught me about god's heart, your heart, and my own heart. I wish so badly that I could be with you to celebrate, but know that I am thinking about you and that we will have one heck of a celebration when I return to the Northern Hemisphere. I love you Collin, have a wonderful day!

This one is for Brice and Andy...

2007-03-26T10:27:00.000-07:00

Many times in my college career I have been stereotyped. I am fine with it, most of them are comical, witty and accurate. There is one, however, that holds a very special place in my heart. My dear friends, and teamates, Andy and Brice have officially labeled me a Colorado born, chaco wearing, bible reading, frisbee throwing, long haired climber. I am regurlarly asked if I have "climbed anything tall lately?" And, most of the time I respond by saying, "nope." So, if you two were here this would be my response: "Yes fellas, as a matter of fact I have climbed a number of things that are both tall and made of rock."

Routes:

Out on a Limb --- 18 meters --- 19
Legends in the Baking --- 17 meters --- 18
Tres Estrellas --- 15 meters --- 17
Andele! --- 14 meters --- 17
The Big Lebowski --- 10 meters --- 18
Yellow Splendor --- 16 meters --- 16
Quaker --- 11 meters ---14
Defenced --- 11 meters --- 13
Kinny --- 11 meters ---14
Itbeckonstan --- 11 meters ---15

Bouldering:

Pockets Up Arete --- V2
Great Pulling --- V2
Ode To JOY --- V2
The Ladder --- V0
Crack --- V1
Head Spin --- V2
Henry Moore --- V1
Traffic Arete --- V1
Sidepull dyno right --- V4
Top Heavy --- V3
Bad Ass Lawyer --- V2
Bonsai --- V0
The Cauldron --- V4
The Sorcerers Apprentice --- V5
Slopey Holds to Jug --- V4
Orifice Fish --- V3
Lung Dyno --- V4

Whelp, there you go fellas, that is almost everything that I have climbed since arriving here. I hope that all is going well for everyone, and I can't wait to talk to you all!

This is Erik for your viewing pleasure...

2007-03-21T16:05:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Erik! In celebration of you being born I have put together these photgraphs...

Intimate yet anonymous...

2007-03-19T19:30:00.000-07:00

This past weekend Erik and I had the privilege of going to Queenstown. It has appropriately been named the adventure sports capitol of the world. While we were there we met an incredible group of people, which were kind enough to let us sleep on their floor, eat their food, and go out into town with them. It is funny how fast one can form such an intimate, yet completely anonymous relationship with another. During our time in Queenstown we shared about our pasts, dreamed about our futures, and discussed some of our struggles with complete strangers. It is exciting for me to be here, in New Zealand, forming countless intimate and anonymous relationships with people. Very few times in my life do I envision myself knocking on a random door asking if I could sleep on their floor, but people here, who are my age, do the very same thing regularly. I think a person needs to have these revealing, yet anonymous relationships in their life. Maybe this is the reason people are so drawn to the pub/coffee shop culture. By engaging with people in these settings we are revealing things about ourselves to someone, who previously had no idea about our pasts, personalities, values or beliefs. These relationships have the potential to shed valuable light as to who we really are. Our labels, accomplishments, failures, or previous actions are removed from the equation completely. When we engage with random people our behavior isn't viewed through any established lens, it is taken for face value, be it good or bad. I guess what I mean is this: when we engage in intimate and anonymous relationships we are given the opportunity to love for no agenda, and we are able to see if what we value in our own faiths is acted upon. I hope that all of my new friends Michelle, Wilson, Mike, Lindsay, Rosie, Hollis, and J.P. felt loved. I hope that our brief yet intimate interactions are valued, both by myself and them. Thanks for opening the door on Friday afternoon to what hopefully will be a multitude of very valuable friendships.

In a Nutshell...

2007-03-12T01:05:00.000-07:00

Initially I wanted to tell, in depth, what happened on my birthday, but then I realized that it may be more enjoyable if I just put everything into a crazy list. So, here is my 21st birthday in a nutshell: Breakfast in bed, dutch babies, construction paper pop-up birthday cards, two hour psychology lab, one dollar organic bar-b-Que, one really eccentric German, ten meter high peer jumping, Frisbee in the south pacific, four-way Skype conversation, tear jerking moments on the telephone, home sickness, shower, dinner at Dux De Lux, great people, wonderful conversation, dark beer, Mediterranean pizza, one great Frank and Jacque surprise, ten pint tall glass of beer...aka a "Yardo", one ducks fart shot, five more beers, packed apartment, PBIC crumpet with birthday candles, two matted pictures, one fork/spoon/knife camping utensil, seven liter jugs of beer, lots of people, trip to bus stop, random free vintage party bus leaving to an unknown destination, bus dance party with thirty people, random unknown bar, one round of "Jeager Bombs", two rounds of "Irish car bombs", three rum and cokes, one half hour of dancing, three shattered glasses compliments of Erik's flailing arms, one shot of peach schnapps, one concerned friend from Montana, two crazy friends from Montana, heaps of fun, one unanimous decision to walk home followed immediately by one random taxi ride into downtown, five people dancing on a picnic table inside of a club, one Madari sour shot, three guys "sticking it to the man", one ridiculous idea to break up a fight, one discreet taxi ride home at four in the morning, one smuggles passenger, one really cool taxi driver named Grahm, one great conversation with Erik, twenty trips to the urinal, nineteen glasses of water, twenty-one drinks, twenty great new friends, and ONE AMAZING BIRTHDAY!

Donnie Darko Pics...

2007-03-05T02:41:00.000-08:00

God, Guinness, and Grace

2007-03-05T02:35:00.000-08:00

Some of you may know that I am turning the big twenty-one this Thursday. It is strange because I have waited for this day for a very long time, and now that it is here I seem to be forgetting about it. I have always been excited to be able to go to a pub and spend quality time with my brothers. In the same way, I have patiently awaited the day when I can go out on a date sip on some wine, and talk about life with someone. Both of these activities seem to be very innocent, but for some reason a large number of people I know would disagree. Since arriving here in New Zealand, where the drinking age is eighteen, I have thought a lot about legalism, and alcohol.

Within the Christian community alcohol has a very strong stigma attached to it. It doesn't matter where you go, whether you're in Longmont or the middle of wine country in Oregon, the majority of Christians would say that drinking is inappropriate, or unbiblical. Since about eighth grade I have been battered with the message that we should all stay away from alcohol, even more, drinking a beer has somehow turned into an eternal sin in many people's eyes. I suppose this is a picture perfect view of what legalism is, but what are the repercussions of being legalistic?

It is funny how we hear the “alcohol is from the devil” message, directly followed by a “God’s grace abounds” message. I am not saying that every Christian is overly legalistic, but I do think that legalism tries to sneak its way into all of our faiths. When I place my “legalistic lens” on to view God I see him as erratic unpredictable, and incapable of all manner of prejudices. When I view God this way I feel compelled to engage, or disengage, in some sort of behavior to appease him. Going to church on Sunday/Tuesday, becomes a superstitious insurance policy against his impulses. This God has expectations that are only fulfilled by perfection. When broken everyday people with this understanding of God fail, as the usually do, they expect some sort of twisted punishment. I can say that I have been here, broken and awaiting God’s punishment. So, what do I do? I continue to persevere in religious run-throughs, and I struggle to maintain a hollow image of a perfect self. The struggle itself is exhausting, and it can destroy our authenticity.

The beauty of all of this is that we do live shadowed under an inconceivable grace. By trusting in Gods consistent and faithful grace, we are able to be confident, free disciples. This is not to say we can act on any whim we have, but it does mean that we can live freely, engaging with one another…even if it is at a pub.

Classtime has been in session much longer than four days

2007-03-02T02:42:00.000-08:00

It is hard to believe that I left Colorado twenty days ago. For the first week time seemed to go pretty slow, I didn't have a schedule, or anything that I had to do, but now that classes have begun time is beginning to fly by. This past week opened my eyes to the bitter realization that my time here is going to come and go very quickly. I want to be sure that I am aware of the lessons that this place inspires. In an effort to do this Erik and I went to the campus bar to have a pint, eat some kumara chips, and talk about the things we have learned since arriving in this beautiful country. So, here is a list of some things I have learned since stepping onto the plane at DIA:

1. Every single person, whether they party, hook up with girls, believe in a different god, or speak the same language as me, have the ability to profoundly influence my understanding of Jesus, and God's heart for me.

2. I have an incredible group of people that I consider to be my friends and family back home, and our seperation during this time will only make those relationships more fruitfull.

3. New Zealanders show the hospitality spoken of in Hebrews 13 everyday everywhere, and hopefully being around them for five months will help me to lay down my time simply so that I may hear someones story, or help them to get to where they are going.

4. Guiness may be the best beer in the world...it is the only beer where the bubbles fall rather than rise to the top. I really like it a lot, this one is for McClintock.

5. My heart is capable of smiling, I never knew this until I was able to see how my inadequecies have been used by God to show someone else something about Christ.

6. When we accept ourselves for what we are, we decrease our hunger for power or acceptance of others because our self intimacy reinforces our inner sense of security. We are no longer preoccupied with being powerful or popular. We no longer fear criticism because we accept the reality of our human limitations.

7. New Zealand was the first country to grant women the right to vote, and it is was the last major land mass in the world to be inhabited...about five hundred years ago by the Polynesians.

8. Although New Zealand and the United States are very similar they differ in many ways, but no matter the cultural differences between people, everyone has inherintly been given the drive to be compassionate and loving.

9. I have learned a lot about what the gospel of grace really is. Grace means that I don't have to be a "christian" to be a Christian. I don't have to be involved with Younglife or any other Christian organization to be a follower of Christ. I can take Sundays to explore His beautiful creation, rather than go to church. I am a Christian, I have been given a grace that transcends my inadequecies as well as my accomplishments, I try to love others whereever I am at, and I love Jesus...and that is enough.

10. My flesh begins to burn after about 12 minutes of direct sunlight. It doesn't matter if I have a "base tan" or not. In all seriousness, it is a bummer that the most environmentally conscious country in the world got stuck with the hole right above them, which was the result of our environmental ignorance.

Welp. there's the list, hopefully it continues to grow the entire time I am here. Thanks for reading...

I didn't see a single sheep this whole trip...

2007-02-27T22:21:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago Erik and I, as well as six other wonderful people, decided to take a backpacking trip near Arthur's Pass. It was called the Waimakariri-Harman Pass route, it was 44 kilometers long, and it was burly. It may have been the most strenuous backpacking trip I have ever gone on. We began the tramp by walking 13 kilometers up a kilometer wide river bed, and the views during this section were incredible. I felt as though we were walking through the pages of a tourism magazine. The cool thing about New Zealand is that they have an entire network of huts throughout the entire island. So, rather than carrying fifty pounds worth of gear, you have the privilege of sleeping, cooking and eating in a small shack in the middle of nowhere. This is great that you don't have to carry as much, but those tricky Kiwi's make up for it by not having switchbacks anywhere. For some reason, Kiwis would rather walk directly up a fifty degree slope in six kilometers, rather than covering the same vertical distance the American way and taking ten kilometers. This leads me to the second day of our wonderful adventure, Harman Pass. We began the day by hiking straight up a river that cascaded its way down a rocky pass. I could have mistaken the landscape with those I have seen in Hawaii. Mist cooled the backs of our necks as we walked past countless waterfalls...it was surreal. The third day was spent bouldering down the Taipo River. This was considered the "easy" day. The girls, Annika and Pinecone, walked the entire fifteen kilometers in their Chacos, which eventually lead to some pretty nasty blisters. In my mind the last day of the tramp will be the most memorable. The day begins by ascending sharply through the New Zealand rain forest. Root after root, we ascended 800 meters in 3 kilometers. Once we arrived at what we though was the top of the pass we began to look for the trail markers. At this point it had become very foggy, cold, and rainy. We wandered, relatively mindlessly, about the top of the pass until we found what we thought to be the trail marker. We began to descend down the pass, when we realized that we were completely turned around. We were going down the same side that we had just climbed up. Our spirits were low but not broken and we climbed back up. Exhausted, tired, and sore we stumbled our way around the top of the pass, about three hours, until we found the hut to eat some lunch. After lunch Brian, Grahm and I blitzed it to the car so that we could retrieve the shuttle.
Although the trip was spectacular, I can say with confidence that the best part was meeting six other people. Having gone on this trip we all achieved a greater level of community. I am excited and anxious to see what other adventures Team Sandfly will go on.

People are dying in the quad...

2007-02-19T16:00:00.000-08:00

When I first entered college I remember being terrified. I had no idea what was going on, who I needed to talk to, or where I was supposed to be. I would imagine that many people have felt or will feel the same way during the first couple weeks of their freshmen year. But, after about a month of college I think most people figure out that everything will be okay, the deadlines aren't really deadlines at all. You won't die in agony if you don't figure out your classes by registration day. Well, the feeling has returned for a vast majority of the international students here at the University of Canterbury. There are students who are juniors and seniors freaking out because they, once again, have no idea what to do. To be honest, Erik and I both have taken delight in watching these individuals scream in agony about not having proper insurance. The enrolment process here in New Zealand is quite ridiculous, but I am pretty sure that everyone will be taking classes and going to school come Monday. This whole experience just brings to light how people react when they have to solve problems using a different method, I hope that I haven't lost my ability to problem solve...
On a lighter note, Erik, Jaques, Pinecone, and I went to an amazing place called Castle Hill. It is about an hour away, and it is a rock climber's heaven. To help you paint a mental picture, the battle in Chronicles of Narnia was filmed there. Basically it is a slew of rolling grassy hills covered with massive boulders, at the base of the Southern Alps. I kept thinking I was wandering around some Disney world fantasy place. Sadly, I am unable to post pictures of it, because I am typing this blog while sitting in a random office on campus...I heard they had free Internet, but I will post pictures soon. Well, I hope that who read this are doing wonderful, and I will talk to you soon!

My heart is with you...

2007-02-15T20:17:00.000-08:00

I was going to talk about the latest adventure that I went on, but there is something else that has been on my heart, and that is the distance that separates us. It seems scary that I have only been away for a couple of days, and it is frightening to think that it will be another five or six months until I see my friends and loved ones again, but I am encouraged by the fact that we aren't really that far away at all.
Fellowship is said to be a uniting of hearts and spirits, within God''s presence. I have had the privilege to build amazing relationships , by engaging in fellowship, with so many amazing people. I think that when we are apart from one another, we leave a part of our hearts in that place...in our "fellowship place". It has become clear that our relationships have only been strengthened from the time that we have already spent away from one another. Be it summer break, school, year long internships in Mexico, studying abroad, we have all spent ample amounts of time apart. But, God has been very faithful in our absences from one another, he has blessed both our individual relationships with him, as well as our relationships with each other. It is amazing to see how every time we leave one another for college or summer break we come back to experience an even greater community than what we experienced the time prior.
Leaving is and will continue to be a very difficult thing, but as long as we continue to unite both our hearts and our spirits in his presence, when we are together, then we will always have our "fellowship place". It is a place where we have made countless memories, it is a place that transcends miles or kilometers, and it is place that never fails to put a smile on my face. Thanks for making our "fellowship place" so special.

Having to pay for internet is silly...

2007-02-12T18:18:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here in an internet cafe in downtown Christchurch thinking about something witty and intelligent I could write about my brief experiences thus far, but I can't stop thinking about the fact that I am paying to surf the web.
Erik and I made it here, and it only took us 36 hours! I can't speak for Erik but I am definitely feeling the effects of prolonged airplane travel. We went out last night to a sweet Irish pub, in New Zealand, and listened to a Scottish guy play and sing American pop songs...it was great.
I hope that everyone is doing great, and I can't wait to hear about all of your amazing journeys. As soon as I don't have to pay money to write on this blog I will update it, and share some thoughts on what happens when people leave the communities, families, and environments that they are so accustomed to. I miss you all.

Sweaty Armpits...

2007-02-09T23:04:00.000-08:00

This is my first blog post, and the thought of millions of people having access to my writing and ideas makes me really nervous. I am nervous enough to be sweating out of my armpits, actually my armpits are a little bit damp right now. Many of the people who will be looking at this blog are people whom I already know, and the thought of them reading my writing makes me get the itchy feeling behind my ears. I have to admit that I am really excited to the limitless opportunities that I have being a "blogger."
The reason I titled my "online journal" darkened night skies, is because I have found that I frequently reflect on life during the brief moments immediatelly following sunset. I will be explaining this in more detail within the next couple of days.
As many of you know I am about to embark on a wonderful journey to the Land of Zeal, Peter Jackson, and the Doubtless Sound. I am engaging on this wonderful adventure with my brother, Erik. He too as a place that he is expressing his thoughts and ideas. Originally we were going to have a joint blog, but during the template choosing process we realized that having a shared blog would probably end in disaster...seeing as how we couldn't really even agree on a password. His "online journal" can be found at http://betterthansmokesignals.blogspot.com . We will be linking between posts frequently.
Erik and I will be leaving tomorrow afternoon, and we will be traveling for a good day and a half. Needless to say I probably will not be adding anything for the next couple of days, or at least until we get situated. I hope that everyone who has and will read this is having a fantastic day and I will miss all of you dearly(except for the random people who have read this) . I thank everyone for the integral role that they have played in my being where I am at. In the same way, I know that the experiences that we have during our absence will only strengthen the already amazing community that we have. Goodbye for now.