The Mission:

To get home for Christmas with car, road bike and gear.

I just drove 17 hours from Bend, Oregon to Longmont, Colorado. I didn't stop for food. I stopped for gas three times, and I stopped to pee two times. I didn't get pulled over until I was in Fort Collins, and it was because my left tire crossed into the other lane, and the CSU policeman thought I was drunk. I wasn't, I was just weary. Along the way I listened to Paolo Nutini quite a bit, he is a new favorite. During the four hundred mile drive across Wyoming, I listened to the Colbie Caillet album three times, and yes, I was singing very loudly to every song. Another favorite was the New Zealand Mix, featuring great artists as: Fat Freddies Drop, Katchafire, Mason Jennings, Marc Brusard, David Crowder and Matt Kearney. In total it took 17 hours. I got home at 3 in the morning and now it is 11, and I want to play.

I had a significant amount of time to think about life, my purpose, plans and direction. I am not going to write them on here yet, part because I don't want to spend to much time on the computer right now, but also because I want to digest them a little bit. Also, I would rather have a face to face conversation with people about my recent musings. It was a good journey, one that I will have to make in a month again in a month and a half.

I am home. Give me a call.

I bought a road bike a week ago. I drove up to Tacoma with my friend Jordan in my new car, and then bought a road bike and roof rack. I have been spending a lot of money lately, that isn't going to last much longer.

Today I took that bike on a great ride up into the hills near McMinnville. It was very cold, foggy and ominous, but it ended up being an amazing ride. Until the last couple of weeks I don't think I really appreciated where I am at in Oregon. I always thought of McMinnville as a nice base camp, not too spectacular in it's own right, but close to some beautiful areas. Now that I have been out and riding throughout Yamhill county I am beginning to appreciate its beauty more and more. Endless logging roads meander their way through dense evergreen forests, often stopping at a dead end, with nowhere to go but backwards, after twenty miles.

I have heard people describe Yamhill county and the Red Hills as an American Tuscany. Vineyards and great food tucked away in small cottage like establishments abound. Gently rolling hills continue west of this area until you reach the Oregon coast, which in itself is breathtaking. I would like to ride from here to the coast sometime soon, but I have to wait for the floods to go away.

The hills aren't fourteen thousand feet high, like the Rockies, which I am used too, but it is possible to seclude oneself in them. I experienced that today. The smell of dense mossy evergreen forests is new to me. We don't have moss in Colorado like we do here. The forests in Oregon are thick, green and seemingly impenetrable, unlike the brown dusty ponderosa pine forests that I grew up in. Sadly it took three and a half years for me to reach this realization, but I am glad that I reached it now.

I am excited for the endless opportunities I will have in the spring to explore this area and this state. But before then, I am going to be driving to Colorado, hopefully before the forty inches of new snow melts at Winter Park. I look forward to seeing the fourteen-thousand foot hills outside my window.

Geography of Wonder

It is late, and I have to wake up early tomorrow. I am going on a backpacking trip with my dad for a couple of days. We decided to go to Red Deer lake, which is seven miles outside of Camp Dick. I am excited to be back out in the woods, to see the sunset from a high peak, and to stumble over a camp stove while trying to make pasta. Life has and will continue to become more and more complex. With every new day comes more and more things that I must consider: should I be training for soccer? Do I want to do an internship during spring semester? I am poor and need some money to live. What am I going to so with my life post-graduation?

Being in the wilderness allows us to breath. It allows us to simply be. Wilderness doesn't have to be the Rocky Mountains or the Southern Alps, it is different for everyone. Some people find the peace that I receive from the mountains, in yoga, others in running, or maybe the local coffee shop. Either way, I am craving it right now. All I have to worry about is surviving. I need to eat, I need to sleep, I need shelter, and sometime I need to sleep. That is all. Somewhere between the trail head and the given destination, life is boiled down to its simplest form. My father would say, some mental real estate temporarily opens up. I can wonder. I can more easily reflect on what my creator has done for me. For some reason, my heart enters a state of worship and awe that isn't attainable in a sanctuary or meeting hall.

I am a little disappointed that we are only going to be able to be out there for a couple of days, but that it the way life is. I am thankful that I have this opportunity to spend time with my dad like this. We haven't been alone on a backpacking trip for a while, so I am anxious to see how it turns out.

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."
- Henry David Thoreau

Silence and Solitude

Recently I had the opportunity to go out and spend four days and three nights in the Hopkins Valley, alone. I had never done a solo, I don't consider myself a very contemplative person, and I am also an extrovert, so the thought of spending four days alone in the silent wilderness was very discomforting.

I would like to explain all of the details, but I will save them for a good face to face conversation over some tea or coffee, but all in all it was one of the most spectacular experiences I have had thus far. Initially I was very uncomfortable. I had never placed myself in such a vulnerable and revealing situation with myself and God. Like anything else, it took some getting used to. By the end of the second day I had reached a new and powerful comfortableness being alone with my creator. Until that point, sitting in the shadow of the Dasler Pinnacles, I had never been very comfortable simply "being" with God.

Time and time again, people have had massive, life changing, revelations during times of solitude. I can't say that my life took a massive turn once I got out of the bush, but I did learn a couple of amazing things. The first being, that to silence one's heart, mind and body before God takes a lot more work than I had previously thought. It was difficult and uncomfortable to reveal my heart, on such a one to one basis, with God. I wasn't scared to be alone so much as I was scared to be alone sitting face to face with my creator. God will always use silence, solitude and vulnerability to teach his disciples a thing or two.

The second thing that I learned was that the same force which is capable of splitting continents and creating mountains out of sheer granite, loves me, right now, with that same intensity and desire. The same God who made the Southern Alps, Rocky Mountains, and the Oregon Coast loves you and me with the same unwavering power. The implications of this are inconceivable. God's ability to use you and me to enact social change, and love people is huge. We are loved with a force powerful enough to create massive glaciated peaks, so why don't I act like it?

The third revelation was that I am always investing in God. I am always trying to win God's favor, which doesn't seem like a bad thing, but I don't think it is how we are supposed to live. This is from my journal that evening:

Something just dawned on me, thanks to the Ragamuffin Gospel. I am always trying to invest in God's favor. It seems like every choice I make can be boiled down to whether or not it will look good to God and his people or not. I am constantly trying to improve my eternal portfolio, Newsweek article here, serve some of my friends there. And, it is all done with the intention of building a resume. I think that this has major implication in my interactions with people as well. If they are "believers" than I quickly size them up. I compare their portfolio to mine. If theirs is less "impressive" than mine I feel as though I can help and be some sort of guidance. If my portfolio is less "impressive" than mine I look at them as a mentor, or somebody above me. If the person isn't a 'Christian' than I take a "sell but not to obvious" type of attitude. Hinting to them that they could start their own portfolios today if they wanted.

The problem with this is that it removes trust from my faith. Do I trust God enough to let him love me despite my flaws and weak resume. Nothing I can do will win any more, or any less, favor in God's eyes, so why do I always feel like everyone of my actions has consequences, be it good or bad, in the eyes of God?

Honesty simply asks if we are open, willing, and able enough to acknowledge this truth. Honesty brings an end to pretense through candid acknowledgement of our fragile humanity. It is always unpleasant, and usually painful, and that is why I am not very good at it. By rejecting my ragamuffin identity I am turning away from God, the community, and myself. I become a man obsessed with illusion and identity, a man of false power and fearful weakness, unable t think, act and love.

I suppose honesty before God takes the most fundamental risk of faith we can take. The risk that God is good, that God does love us unconditionally. It is in taking this risk that we rediscover our identity. To bring the truth of ourselves, just as we are, to God, just as he is, is the most dignified thing we can do in this life.

I would recommend to anyone that they should take at least some time to silence their hearts. It doesn't matter what you believe in, who, or what. Regardless, the time will not be in vein. I don't plan on isolating myself from society, but I do hope that I can take time out of my regular life, every once in a while, and listen to my creator. See what he has to say, about me and about the world I live in.