5500+ Miles

I took a really long road trip during Christmas break. 5800 miles, 23 states, lots of loved ones and one amazing romance. Courtney and I were humbled over and over by the generosity and love that was extended to us during our journey. It was a beautiful 23 days.

Angkor What?!?!?

Do I Even Try...

How do I do this?

Both photography and writing fall disappointingly short at conveying the magnitude of emotions that even the simplest of experiences illicit. I sit here reflecting on the Killing Fields, staring at a dissipating lake, trying to peace together sentences and poignant fragments, to somehow capture the truth that can be, not learned, but felt while playing with a Cambodian orphan. I put pen to paper or fingertip to shutter, but am consistently disappointing by my results.

I believe that only the most artistic of souls can capture the sheer weight of our experiences. Can I begin to do it? Should I even try? My answer, to my own question, is a resounding "Yes." I will try to compose moving and meaningful images and I will attempt to paint literary portraits. Not to fulfill any goals or to meet any standard, but instead to explore what it is that I experienced. By writing I am reflecting, and by reading I am remembering. These two, or four, acts help me to build my own world, or my perspective of it, a little more thoroughly. It is only then that my heart and my soul fall in line with what I was trying to accomplish by traveling in the first place. To be changed.

So, as Ernesto "Che" Guavero writes in The Motorcycle Diaries, "The The person who writes these notes passed away the moment his feet hit Argentinian soil. The person who reorganizes and polishes them, me, is no longer, at least I am not the person I once was." The man who writes these words that you are reading right now is different than the man who experienced what they are a response to, and in much the same, but entirely different way, the person who re-reads them over again will be different than the one who first jotted them down.

It is my hope that this process continues as I move away from this crazy capitol city. I hope that the process not only continues, but in fact perpetuates further change as I go to Siem Reap, Ko Chang, Bangkok and back on home to America. I suppose in writing this a new discovery was made: The greatest hope of my life's journey is that relationships, cultures and experiences continue to perpetuate change, growth and a more active pursuit of love in the deepest recesses of my heart and soul.

Everything or Nothing

What philosophy to you subscribe more to: ''Everything is Nothing'', ''Nothing is Everything'' or ''Everything is Everything?''

This is taken from a journal entry from a couple of days ago:

Drew leaves in two days. I am very sad that he won't be with us anymore. In a way it feels as though all of our trips are ending with his, but then I remember the beautiful things we have packed into any two week period prior to this one. Surely it will be different, but it will also be good. I look forward to see the way our group dynamic changes after this amazing brother's absence.

He makes all of us laugh a lot with his insistent rap lyrics and off-the-wall ghetto vocab. He is and will forever be one of my best friends. He has imparted in me new and rewarding types of confidence that I never thought possible. He has allowed me to take it easy. Most importantly however, he has helped me to see the world for what it is. Nothing more, and definitely nothing less.

I always struggle to convey how important and meaningful a person is to me, how much I value the time I spend with them, or how much I care about their role in this kingdom. But I can never convey all that I feel. Not an entirely unique struggle I would imagine, but what if we could fully love someone. Fully show them their worth. And, fully experience how much I am worth. As I dreamt about earlier on this trip, maybe that is a part of heaven, being able to love transparently and to be loved fully.

Drew has the unique ability to convey how much my friendship means to him. Conversations are not forced, or are they overwhelmingly frequent but they are powerful. The time we have spent speaking to one another about family, love, relationships and people have been incredibly valuable, and irreplaceable. This dream I have had about a more transparent and thorough love has come closer and closer to fruition because of my time spent with Drew.

I am so thankful that he came on this trip, that he has taken the time to be here with us. I have left many of our conversations with a more beautiful understanding of what this kingdom is really about. We all came on this trip to expand our world view and to see more of the world, but more so, he came on this trip to invest in me, Erik and Jordan. To try and love us more fully.

I look forward to our brotherhood. I look forward to exploring more of this beautiful world with you. Never stop seeing people and places for what they are. Everything is Everything.

Peaceful Pics

Deep Water Soloing on Poda Island